My birthday is coming up. Birthdays are a mixed bag of feelings. They excite because they are about YOU! And, it can't be denied that we like things that are about us. Usually, on your birthday, you get to relax, others do your work for you, take you out to eat, buy you gifts, etc. It's kind of nice to have one day a year that is about YOU. BUT, as you get older, well, birthdays make your number go up a little higher and remind you about how you are just getting....OLD! :)
Next year will be a big number for me (hey, I have one year before I really have to think about it so I won't mention which it is). But I will admit that it is a number that in the past, I have thought of as very aged!! However, I believe I will address all that NEXT year and enjoy this decade (which I also thought of as old 20 years ago) while I can.
This year, I have a new struggle with my birthday. As this birthday grows nearer, I think more and more about my mom and dad. I kind of regret not living close to my family...that was kind of out of my control...Steve's and God's...lol. Over the past 20 some years, I have resigned myself that my family goes on with birthday celebrations without me and that I spend mine without them. BUT, I did look forward to talking to my mom and getting her card....which was always kind of sappy, which used to sometimes irritate me but now, I would give anything to have one this week. PLUS, it always had money in it. I rarely get money that is just mine alone! To spend in anyway and on anything I want. I didn't realize how much that meant to me until last year when it didn't come.
Even last year, I missed mom but it wasn't as strong as this. I almost dread the day coming because I will miss her (and my dad) and the calls they would give me. I just realized the other day that they both would have turned 70 this year. That seems so old to me now, but again, as has already happened, the day will come when even that number doesn't seem so old anymore.
Mom used to make birthdays so great. I followed what she used to do...big birthdays only come with certain numbers...that makes them more special. In todays world, parents make each birthday so big and so expensive, that it is harder and harder to come up with something that outdoes the last one. BUT, mom made sure that each birthday was special, even if it was in a smaller way. I hope I did that for my kids, as well.
Each year, I could still have a few friends over. We would camp out in the backyard in a tent and play Truth or Consequences and laugh until we couldn't breath. Or I had a sleepover in sleeping bags in the living room, watching scary movies (in those days that was THE BLOB or THE CREATURE IN THE BLACK LAGOON, not the slash/ creepy movies of today...just throwing that in) and sharing secrets while eating pizza. And she ALWAYS woke us up playing HAPPY BIRTHDAY on the piano and singing....which she could do neither well! We made so much fun of her but if she had not done it, we would have been so disappointed. There would be cake and presents and calls from relatives.
My dad started telling me when I was a little thing that he didn't want me to get any older than ten. He would tell me that all the time. I thought it was so crazy! In my old bible, I still have a pink piece of paper where he wrote me a note on my 21st birthday. It's says:
Happy Birthday!
21
So hard to believe!
Have a good day. I wish I could be with you. You have a special place in my heart that no one else can ever take.
If you'll remember, I never really wished you to be 10 years old...now 21...Love, dad
I just cherish that now!
Yes, birthdays were great. Thanks, mom and dad! This weekend, I will miss you so much. I will try to find that memory of your birthday song in my mind and I am going to read that pink note. I will treasure your memories and hope that you know it's my birthday and so you might both peek down at me. Thank you for my birthday!!
