Donna's Place

Richardson Christmas Thru the Years at OneTrueMedia.com

2011-12-25T23:04:00.001-05:00

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Christmas Songs bring memories

2011-12-24T14:53:00.006-05:00

Have you ever heard a song and it brought back memories? That has been happening a lot to me this year. The very first song that comes to mind is Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer! lol My dad used to sing that song to us. But he always started out a certain way....."You know Dasher...and Dancer..and Prancer and Vixon, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.....but...do you recall.....the most famous reindeer of all?" He always had to start the song that way. Every time!! Though my dear dad has been gone 14 years now...wow, is that possible??....everytime I hear the song begun with the reindeer names, I close my eyes and I can hear my dad singing it.

The next song that I remember, and have not heard since I sung it in choir, is SIMPLE HOLIDAY JOYS. It was a song we sung in our Christmas concert in high school. It was short and simple. A girl played the flute between every verse. I have never forgot a single word of that song!! I really can't explain why...unless somewhere deep inside me, I knew that I was a person who would treasure memories and this song is all about memories. I remember our choir teacher trying to explain what this song was about....to a bunch of self-centered teenagers who thought the world revolved around them! I doubt many of us got it...but somehow...I did. I may not have even realized it then. But because the words are still in my heart, I DO get it now. Here is the song:

Simple holiday joys...boys and girls, smiling faces, toys beneath the Christmas tree and a wreath on the door.
Star of gold, ribbons blue and a few fond embraces...how I miss those simple holidays joys I once knew. (here is where the flute played)
To be young, to believe, to wait up on Christmas Eve, through the night, with delight, O, the spell it could weave. (more flute)
To be young, with surprise, to be not quite so wise...watching snow, never knowing how quickly time flies. Did the years pass me by? Where's the sky full of reindeer? (where are they?) In my mind, the joys grow dim, how unkind that they do.
Though they shine like a gem, only memories remain, dear. But I find those simple holiday joys in YOU!!

I sing that to Korie every Christmas. It makes me smile to think of my old choir and I wonder if any of them even remember that song? I think of Mrs. Jones, our director, and wonder if she has been happy though the years. I know she has had some trials and I wonder if has found those simple joys again.

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus is a song that I was not familiar with as a child when our children's choir sang it one year at church. I remember the church kids and the bus kids meeting on Saturday's to practice. I remember the song printed in black on white sheet music and standing on homemade risers. I rarely sing it even now, but when I do, I remember that Christmas pageant in a small baptist church in Ohio.

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS is a great reminder of the Peninsula Rescue Mission Staff parties. Every year for.....too many years to remember....the staff picks a paper with one of the 12 days of Christmas on it. No one ever wants "A Partridge in A Pear Tree"!! When it is your turn, you have to sing! Steve never sings! Someone always sings off key and everyone laughs and has a good time. What a great song!

There is a group of songs that remind me of our yearly youth group caroling. In Ohio, it almost always was cold and snowy in late December. We had a rickety, old church bus that we would board and drive around to older folk's homes. My dad always had a list of people who needed some encouragement and he and my mom always came along. The bus never had time to get warm and we were freezing. We would pile out, knock on the door and always sing O Come All Ye Faithful, Joy to the World, Silent Night and We Wish You A Merry Christmas. Those songs remind me of those days and of being invited in for cookies and apple cider and smiles on those elderly folks faces. They are "caroling" songs to me and I always remember them that way.

One year, when Steve and I had only been married a year or two and we were in Ohio visiting family, we all picked up my grandmother and went to the Ohio Historical Center. It was all decorated up for the holidays with wreaths, Christmas trees, carolers dressed up in 1890s clothes, and hot chocolate. But one thing that I had never seen...an open fire with chestnuts roasting on it! It was so cold that night that we could see our breath! We all gathered around that fire and watched them roasting. I didn't really care for the taste but it sure was neat to see it. Everytime I hear "chestnuts roasting on an open fire....." I can see us around that fire in Columbus, Ohio, watching the fire. It is a good memory in so many ways.

Away in A Manger is a good memory of my girls singing with me in the Christmas Eve Service at our church. Kristin was around 5 and Korie 3. The three of us, for the first...and last time...singing together in public. lol It was a special memory and I enjoy thinking about that evening.

There are many more songs,,,,, songs in our Cantatas, a duet with Jeff of Mary Did You Know?, songs I sing at night in bed with Korie before she sleeps....the list goes on. There are many reasons to enjoy Christmas songs. Mostly, to praise and remember what Christ for us. But there are a few that when I hear them, I can close my eyes and I can go to another place, another time and enjoy a memory from the past. And I know there are new memories to come. I love music...especially at Christmas!

Beth Moore Conference-Baltimore 2011

2011-10-11T16:17:00.004-04:00

Beth Moore Conference-Baltimore 2011

THE NET

Main passage: Psalm 25:1-22
Main verse: Psa 25:15- He will pull my feet out of the net.

This is an intertwining. A "network" is a way of being combined knot by knot (like the internet)...it is called a "web"....it is connected by links. We have to be careful not to be caught in a "net".

Things to know about NETS

1. A NET IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE COMING.

We don't realize we are on the net...but it starts to fold up around us. Sometimes we don't even know how we got there. We wonder, "where did we go wrong"....but our "heels" are caught in the net!

A net can also fall over your head. Isa ( I missed the reference...sorry)
The enemy will not cast a net that is in full view. Prov 1:17.
Whole nations can fall into a net Psa. 9:15
When Ecclesiastes was written, this part was written for men Eccl 7: 26-a woman can be a net that is set for the heart.

Is there any way that MY heart has become a net??

2. A HEART CAN TWIST INTO A NET

Consider: Eccl. 7:26 It seems probable a heart that is a net, was born into a net or has always been a net.

Some Examples of heart twisting into a net:
a. Women who have one friend who has to be everything to them....it gets tangled up and causes drama.
b a woman who will not let go....that can be a woman-woman relationship or a woman-man relationship. She wants to "net" you with her affection/love and you feel obligated to her. A way to say this is "ingratiation" or to make oneself indispensable. To bring one's self into favor with flattery or trying to please.
Prov 29:5- Trying to win favor by flattery (vs says laying a net with flattery)
Flattery has a motive. It is always about the one flattering and not about the one they flatter. It's deceptive and we can become addicted to affirmation....or someone continually blowing up your ego. The flattery becomes a net for your feet and can turn our heart to a net.
Be careful of a person who can get you to open up with them about anything and yet you don't know much about them. This is emotional voyerism. Then you can't "leave" the relationship or it is difficult to leave because they know too much about you.

Habakkuk 1: 15-17 Others can become like a "fisherman" by catching you on their hook. In this passage, the Israelites gave sacrifices to a net, burned incense to it and lived in luxury in it. It became hard to say goodbye because it became a way of life to them.

This net will cost you more than you have!

Some modern day examples: the internet. Your phone. The TV. A person. Anything in which you are not able to leave it/them alone.

3. SHAME CAN KNOT UP AN INSIDIOUS NET

Psa 25:15- Where we look with our eyes had a lot to do with where our feet end up.

Psa. 25:1-3, 19-20 The psalmist was scared of being put to shame. Think about how shame itself can become a net.

SHAME
a. the innate fear of bringing shame
b. the innate fear of being shamed

How much shame is mentioned in verses 1-10?

In Heb. 12 it says to despise the shame. Jesus despised the shame and yet He took it upon Himself on our behalf.
Shame can pop up anywhere:
Socially, psychologically, occupationally, financially, professionally, and religiously. The enemy is at work!
Psa 25: 7, 11, 18- The writer had shame. He said: Do not remember sin but remember ME! We are pre-ordained to do something on this earth. But Satan wants us caught in a net to keep us from our purpose.
vs 11 and 18-Shame keeps us embedded in sin long after the repentance. If you have repented and still feel shame them something is wrong. Then you start to think that since we have the guilt, then we may as well just go back to it...this is Satan's thinking.

Shame is Satan's mockery to God's children. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

Shame can even affect your posture. (downward). Luke 21: 27-28 says to LIFT UP YOUR HEAD.....when the ultimate Redeemer returns...we will see Him when we keep our eyes UP!
Psa 130:7 Hope! Hope keeps us from shame. Full Redemption! We can have it!

The POWER of all we have been through can be used for testimony and for full release!! Not only difused but USED! Make the enemy sorry he messed with you! God will not only HEAL but you will TESTIFY!

Guilt is when you KNOW it but shame is when you WEAR it. Don't wear it!

BUT---how much shame is due to unconfessed sin? Our redemption comes from Him. Confess your guilt and sin. We are all called to such authenticity of life, that if our worse sins were exposed, it would not contadict our public testimony!

Choose to believe what God says over how you FEEL.

The net of negativity.

To get out of this net....we need only lift our hand up. God's power will lift you.

Satan is too good of an aim to try something new on you. He hits your repeatedly where you are uncovered. Be aware of him and of your weaknesses and be ready.

The nets in the New Testament are cast in a positive light.

4. THE GOSPEL CASTS A NEW KIND OF NET
Luke 5: 1-11
Jesus turns from the crowd and speaks to Peter. Jesus had met Peter in chapter 4:38, 39. Peter had asked for Jesus help and Peter had believed Him to heal his mother in law. When Jesus asked Peter to cast his net again, Peter believed Him and obeyed. He could have talked himself out of a miracle but he followed Jesus's words.

The miracle at Peter's home in chapter 4 probably would have affected women more. The miracle at Peter's place of employment caught his heart more. Jesus was better than what Peter was best at...fishing.

What Peter did at work, better prepared him for the ministry of fishing for men. What WE work at, will help us prepare for our ministry.
2 Cor 5-Paul talking about a body being like a tent...Paul was a tentmaker...he used what he learned at his work to minister to others.

5. GOSPEL FISHING IS CATCH AND RELEASE.

Some don’t accept Christ because they feel they will be in religious bondage for life. But we are released from all that holds us...we are free.

Jesus knew what He was doing when He called md. If we fall, it is time to get up.
Luke 5:10 says...from now on, you will catch man. "from now on"..... if you have sinned, get up and say..".from now on......" (this may be her next study).

Give up that net! What is done is done! Jesus has redeemed it! Vs. 10 in Luke says do not be afraid. Leave it from now on. I Cor. 2:9...this is what He will do!!

Remember in relationships....."BONDAGE ATTRACTS BONDAGE"
Ezekiel 47:1-2 A vision is given to Ezekiel. It is prophecy. It is literal but it is also symbolic.

Be careful of condemning and worrying about Denominations. These are "rib" issues. We should only stand in the "spine" of Christ. The non-negotionable issues are spine issues....such as salvation is thru Christ alone and the death and resurrection of Christ. This leaves a lot of room for loving one another. The rest are "rib" issues...such as the 1000 year reign, etc.

Rom 8 says the earth is groaning as it waits for it's King. Isa 65:20-we shall all be like Him. And the earth will be exactly as He designed it to be.

Read Ezk. 47: 7,8. This is the Dead Sea. The Jordan River constantly empties millions of gallons of water into the Dead Sea but the surface doesn't ever rise because it is so dry. This will change at His return. Fresh water will come to the Dead Sea (vs 8). "Fresh" in Hebrew means "human healing". But even the waters in the Dead Sea will heal. In 47: 3-5... It will first be ankle deep, then knee deep, then up to the waist till the water rises and cannot be crossed! No matter how deep our sin goes, Christ will be a Healer and you will flourish like the Dead Sea!

6. NETS WILL ONE DAY BE CAST INTO MENDED WATERS.

The full extent of it's fulfillment is yet to come! Take heart! It all turns out very well!!!
Our prince is coming on a white horse and we will live happily ever after!

In these difficult days, all is going according to His plan! Ezek. 47:11-after the waters are healed, God will leave some salt to be used for domestic purposes.
vs 13- Water is flowing and healing. The Holy Spirit in us is our earnest deposit. Now this verse turns to the inheritance of His people.

From the beginning, the Israelites had had an inheritance on the OTHER side of the water. In the New testament, there is no more parting of the waters. Jesus didn't have to part them. He walked on them!

Then..in verse 5 of Eze. 47-we are swimming in the river!! We inherit the RIVER!! The River of living water in us.

So don't get caught in the net!

Beth Moore's Live Simulcast Notes from Sept 10, 2011

2011-09-12T11:43:00.003-04:00

Passage: Luke 1:1-4 -"So that you may know the certainty of the things you've been taught."

Luke-a little about him.
2 Tim. 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
"along with those who call on the Lord" The New Ehglish Version says "in the company of others". We are meant to pursue God in company with others! We aren't alone in our pursuit....do it alongside others!
In 2 Tim. 4:9-12 in vs 10-11 Paul has been abandoned by others. He said only Luke was with him. Luke may have been the one taking Paul's dictation here. Could Luke tell Paul's time of death was near? Luke was Paul's BFF!

Who was Luke? Col. 4:10-14
He was the loved physician (called the beloved physician in some versions). He was a man of means. He shows up in Paul's life in Acts 16:6. In Acts 16:10-15 the "we" and "us" includes Luke. In between verses 8-10, Luke shows up.
Church historians tell us that Luke and Paul met in Antioch, so we can assume that may have been Luke's hometown. Years have gone by since the time of their meeting. In Galatians 4:13-15, in Paul's letter to the Galatians, Paul is ill. His illness is bad enough that it effects his eyes. If Luke is a doctor there, for Antioch is in Galatia, then it is possible Luke met Paul there. (All fun to think about). Paul goes through Galatia in Act 16 and it is after this Luke starts the "we" and "us" in Troas. So Luke may have joined them in Galatia.

Luke put the "company" in the "accompany" and stays with Paul until Paul's end.

7 Things We Can Learn From Luke

1. We were created for good company.
2 Tim. 2:22 -Keep company with those of a pure heart.
I Pet 1:22 says you are purified by obedience to the Truth. And pure hearts love deeply!
We are purified at salvation but Peter is talking here about surrender to obedience....walking in God's way. If we walk in God's way, we do not fall into the cycle of repeat sin. Surrender is the key!

Disobedience to God deforms the heart. Obedience to God reforms the heart.
There may be people we love who are not believers, and we should love them, but our close walks and relationship should be with those who obey Christ. Even if it is a person who needs your help and wants to spend a lot of time with you. Being constantly one on one with an unhealthy relationship can mess us up, too. It is better to minister to this type of person in a small group context so that you may hold each other accountable.

2. An individual calling can only be fulfilled in a "we" context.
Acts 16:10 Throughout the book of Acts, you see "we" and "them" or "they".
Luke stays anonymous-that is meant to be all of us! We cannot fulfill God's destiny for us on our own. It takes a band of believers praying, supporting and upholding one another.

We don't have a "wee" calling but a "we" calling.
Your calling is as blessed as the people in your life you are blessed with.

Luke wrote two books. In the book of Luke, he wrote about things he didn’t witness and in the book of Acts, he was there but he didn’t name himself. What would happen if we took the "self" out of our study of God's word. Stop approaching it as to what God has for ME, but as for what God has to SAY. Just study the Word and say "God surprise me!"....we are to self centered. Let God work as He will.

Hermeneutics means a "method or a principle of interpretation".
Do you see the word "her"? Do you see the word "me". If the "her" is in "me", I will miss what He has to say about Himself.
See the word "he"? We should want to know about Jesus!

At the same time, look at point #3.

3. God never overlooks a single "me" in the bigger "we".
Scholars believe the book of acts was written in Ad 61 -63.
Acts 28:30- Luke is with Paul and may have written the books at this time...the time close to Paul's death.

Just as Luke may have been thinking he was just "along for the ride" or "lost in the crowd" (Luke stayed with Paul for two years)....God inspires a man (Luke), who is caring for an apostle, to write the longest canon....with more verses than any other. With Luke and Acts, Luke wrote 2157 verses. Paul write 2032 verses. Luke wasn't just along for the ride, God used him greatly!
Luke 1:3 says...it seemed good to me to write an account of"....... God didn't do a BIG miracle or speak outloud to Luke, it just "seemed good to Luke" to write the book of Luke. But God was in it.

Let's take a new looke at Luke 4:1-4

If you have heart for God's will, you won't have to worry about missing His will...He will reveal it to you.
Jesus became a friend of sinners so that we could become a friend of God.

Luke 4:3 "It seemed good, also to me to write an account"....there had been other accounts of the times of Jesus on the earth. Luke did not mind being an "also".
Other passages in scripture that uses the word "also".
Luke 8:1-2, 12:8, 16:10 John 10:16, 14:3, 19, Rom 1:6, 8:30-32, I Cor. 6:14, Eph. 1:11, 13, 2 Tim. 2:2, I Pet. 2:5, I Jn 1:3, col. 3:14 and 2 Tim. 4:7,8. O, blessed also!

Also-another life standing out, sold out, sticking out, spent out
(side note)single women-Luke was single. He served the Lord without distraction...no wife and children to tend to. He had flexibility in ministry that a married person wouldn't have.

In Luke 4:1-4 and in Act 28:28-31, Luke uses a High Greek beauty and artistry in his writing. It is a greek language for the educated and those who investigate. The rest of the two books are in layman's writing. These books would be written on a scroll and at the top of the scroll you could only see the first four verses:
(read them...it is a neat thing to read to introduce the scroll)

Luke 1:3 and in Act 1: 1-2 --Both books are written to Theophilus. Theo-means Friend of God and Philos means Friend. Friend of God.
Three ways of thinking about this:
a. It's written to all of us symbolically (we are all friends of God)
b. it's a pseudomyn- (I know I spelled that wrong) "fake name" because it was too dangerous to reveal who
c. it was a real person.

Beth thinks it was a real person. In Luke it says "most excellent Theophilus" which was a way one would refer to those in prominient positions. Later, in Act...it is just Theophilus. Some think perhaps he was not saved when Luke wrote to him in the book of Luke but later, when Luke wrote Acts, Theo had become a believer and had dropped the formalities with his friends...but this is just something fun to think about.

Another interesting fact...Luke makes reference to friendship more than any other writer of the bible.

Luke 7:31-35 This "proverb" Jesus was telling means sometimes you don't know what is wise until it shows it's reaping or it's end.
The Pharisees did not understand that THEY were the sinners that Jesus was a friend to. The "outcasts" (like the "sinner" woman who Jesus went to right after he told them this story) became the "insiders'....Jesus, Himself, was an outsider. Jesus spent time and loved the Gentiles, the poor, the publicans, the outcasts, and WOMEN. Jesus was a friend to them.

Luke left us an example of the art of curing souls.
Luke 15:17, 31-we are all inspired to be a "doctor'.
Luke 13:10-14--When Jesus heals the woman who couldn’t even straighten up..and he heals her on the Sabbath which makes the Pharisees in an uproar.! Luke is the only one who fills us in on this story. The Pharisees think the Sabbath is not a day for healing! The are indignant. In verse 15, Jesus calls them hypocrites. They would rather be "comfortable" than see healings that are "against the rules".

Beth says she was the like the woman who couldn't stand up....her sin was so great. Anyone with habitual sin or addictions can memorize scripture and when old thoughts or images come, spout off the Word till the go away. I Pet. 1:22 My abundant life comes from my obedience to God. Take addictions one day at a time, Your victory is in His authority. Jesus has the art of healing souls.
Ezekiel 16:4-7 No matter what your sin looks like, God will bring you to beauty!!!
We have been graciously graced and forgiven and has moved others to give us grace. But we don't grace some because of our bitterness and unforgiveness. Forgiveness means to send something forth.
Maybe if we don't have "good company" we should take a look at ourselves.
But the "I" back in the "Luv you"....saying I love you exposes ourselves or may not be returned. So instead of "Luv ya"...say "I love you!"
I Cor 12:31c says "most excellent way". To LOVE. Love is the excellent way.

(back to the 7 points)

5. We can revel in the certainty of the things we have been taught. Luke 1:4.
"taught" in Greek is ketecheo Sounds like catechism. Salvation through Christ. Everything God teaches us is to reach us...to get us to know Him.
Our heart aches for those trying to live godly lives without God. A relationship with the Creator is why we are taught. It is why we learn. 2 Tim. 1:12- Know HIM. He is our certainty.
Our faith is based on facts.
If you are not sure that "God is good" then know that God is great. The more you need Him, the more you will see Him revealed. When it is darkest of all, maybe you are in the cleft of the rock and covered by His hand. God is faithful.
John 20: 29 is talking about US. We are blessed because we haven't seen Him but we believe.

In Acts 1:1-4 Jesus had died and come back to those He loves. They kept seeing Him but then He would go away for a time. He did this for 40 days. How hard this must have been for them!! 40 days is an important number in the bible. There were 40 days of testing for Christ, 40 days of rain for Noah, Moses was on the Mount 40 days, the spies were out for 40 days. Elijah was fed for 40 days, Jesus on earth for 40 days, a child is in the womb 40 weeks.

But in Acts 1:4, Jesus is eating with them. In John, He made them breakfast and ate.
"eating" is a compound Greek word synalizo syns means together and lizo is to salt...to SHAKE with salt.
Jesus had them "shaking the salt" together! He tore break and they ate from the same piece. They drank from the same cup.
Salt is preservative. A cleanser. We are the flavor. We are not meant to blend in. We don't have to be unlikeable to be spiritual....they need to "taste and see that the Lord is good". We are called to the Dining table to commune and fellowship. Stop the divisions between denominations and spiritual gifts. If we have received Christ, then we are family. They will know us by our LOVE. Our witness is at stake.

In Acts 27:20, 33-35 Luke and Paul are on a ship together. It is dangerous. Paul told then it wouldn't go well but they didn't listen. After 14 days, Paul tells them to eat something. He break bread and gives it to them as Jesus did in Luke 22:19. It was a unique communion on the ship. It may have been just a meal to most there but to Luke and Paul it was Communion!

6. Jesus has passed us the salt, also.

The early church and Christ's followers are long gone, but we are here and can be used. We have the salt shakers.

7. We can be the many convincing proofs that Jesus is alive.
Act. 28:28-31 The last word in the book of Acts (in it's original language) is "unhindered". We are called to a life that is unhindered. God calls us to be unshackled to preach Jesus.
We don’t have time for bitterness, unforgiveness. Do whatever you have to do to BE FREE. We have the power through Christ.

Tradition says that Luke died at 84 years of age filled with the Spirit.
He had been the great narrator where Jesus was the main point.
Beth's grandson, Jackson, was suppose to write his story in K5. That age has a small vocabulary and weak writing skills. Jackson's life story was "I love you, Mrs. Marino" (his teacher).
I love you, Jesus was Luke's story. Is it ours??

Last Time to Liberty

2011-08-19T15:57:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow, we take Kristin for her last year of college. Looking back at this blog, I wrote quite a bit when she finished high school and went off to LU for the first time. It was hard. My heart almost broke. But three years later, it is a bit easier. I still miss her and I still dread taking her. But, knowing how much she loves it and what she will learn/see there, I am glad for her. The difference is...this is the LAST time....so the next step will be...leaving home for good. It may not be for another year or two...or it may be sooner...who knows...but the fact is, this chapter of her life is about done and finished. So, in a way, this will be the most difficult at all...because it is the the time that I was dreading back when this college "stuff" first started...it is almost the "end" of her time with us. Talk about hard.......

When we dropped her off for her freshman year, we finished packing and we sat in her dorm and just looked at each other. She was a bit unsure of herself and the roommate she knew from high school wasn't there yet. We encouraged her to go out and talk to some of her dormmates but she brushed us off, (in Kristin fashion) and kind of hung with us. It made it a little hard to leave her. We knew she would soon make friends and we were right, but as we drove away and she was standing in the doorway, about to go back upstairs to strangers, my heart pulled a little bit. I know this year, she will be anxious to see friends, to see Cary, to get back to her "normal" at the world she has created there. She will almost anxiously be ready to say goodbye to us so she can get back to the friends she missed all summer. Such a difference from when she was 18. But I wouldn't want it any other way. We will say good bye and get in our car and look back...she will be already turning towards others....but I guess that is the way life is...our kids move on and we look back.....we wonder where the time went and we sometimes wish we could go back and do things over or differently.

BUT, we will never be alone....lol. There's Korie...a whole other situation to ponder over. I am just happy to know that God has both my girls in His hands and I pray they both learn to love Him more and more. So...off to Liberty U one more time......

Family History Day

2011-07-29T23:10:00.008-04:00

Belle Island and the Richmond National Cemetery

Oh how I loved today! But I love genealogy! I knew my dad's grandmother...Mary Hattie Gaylor Richardson. She lived to be 104...she died when I was 29 and Kristin was a few months old. Growing up, my dad would take us every summer to Campbell County, Tennessee, to visit with her. Lee Richardson, my great-grandfather was alive until I was 11. He died at 92. They are both now buried at Macadonia Baptist Church, just down a gravel road from the home they shared together. Buried there is their son, my grandfather, Judson Richardson, my great grandparents Lee and Hattie (Gaylor) Richardson, whom I just wrote of, and Grandma Hattie's parents and her great grandparents. Yes!! I know Als buried there are Thomas (born in 1856) and Sarah Isabella (Slover) Gaylor and Thomas's parents...Thomas (born in 1803) and Susanna (Harmon) Gaylor. The two oldest sons of this last Thomas, born in 1803, were John and James. They both enlisted to fight in the Civil War. Though they lived deep in Tennessee, they joined the Union army.

John somehow made it through this terrible war, for he lived to the age of 74 and died in Kentucky. James would not be so lucky. He is the one I thought about a lot today. I was there were part of his story happened...where he spent the last days of his life. This relative of mine, who was born around 1832 in Campbell County (where I had spent some time) died not to far from where I live now. And I didn't realize that until recently.

James was married at around age 22 to a woman of the same age named Mary Harmon. The Harmon name shows up many times in this side of the family tree. The Harmons must have lived close to the Gaylors and they obviously were friends and sometimes more. James and Mary had 11 years together and we know of two sons, Jacob and William. They were young when their father, James Gaylor traveled to Williamsburg, Kentucky to sign up to fight for the North. From this, we can only assume that the Gaylor family, even with their deep roots in the South, disagreed that man can own another man and fought for what he must have thought was Right. This makes me very proud. I also assume John went with James as they both enlisted in the same place.

I wonder what that twenty-nine year old James thought as he joined in that list of men? Did they train for combat? Did they just hand him his weapons? I do know that he had Detailed Service Duty at Camp Dick Robinson and at Loudon, Kentucky. I do know that after he enlisted and until his capture by the enemy, that he was engaged in around 83 skirmishes, seiges and battles all over the Eastern part of the US. In February 26, 1964, he was captured by the Confederates and taken to their prison on Belle Island, in Richmond, Virginia.

Though today, as I looked upon it, Belle Island was beautiful, it is not a pretty picture when you read about it as a prisoner camp. In 1864, Peter DeWitt, an Assistant Surgeon at Jarvis Hospital treated Belle Island prisoners. He described the "great majority of them as being in a semi-state of nudity, with chronic diarrhoea, phthisis pulmonalis, scurvy, frost bite, general debility, caused by starvation, neglect and exposure. Many had partly lost their reason...they were filthy in the extreme, covered with vermin and nearly all extremely emanciated so much that they had to be cared for even like infants."

James was one of the sick ones. Later, his family only knew that he died of "fever". His family apparently, tried to locate his body after the war. They contacted a Robert E. L. Krick, who was the Historian for the Department of the Interior. I won't quote the whole letter here but will give an idea of what it says. Basically, the Confederates only knew the identity of a few of the Union dead and even those identities were lost when the graves were moved from the island to another resting place. The Confederates, after the War, took every single dead Union soldier or grave that they could find and opened the Richmond National Cemetery and placed the bodies in graves there. Most of the tombstones there say "Unknown US Soldier" or "Two Unknown US Soldiers".

I went there today. There were rows and rows and rows and rows of Unknown Union soldiers. It hit me how many, many men died in that terrible war...and this was just a small part of those that died. But somewhere out there, in this very cemetery in downtown Richmond, where people drive by going to work every day and where cars gas up across the street and where people lay their heads to rest at night, is my relative James Gaylor. I doubt any of his family came all the way to Virginia to see unmarked graves. The distance was too great and the cost beyond what they could pay.

Instead, Mary Harmon went to prove she was the wife of one James Gaylor, who died in the war, so that she and her two sons could receive a pension and benefits to live on. She, and many other wives, never saw their husbands again and raised their families alone. So many...it is sad to think about.

As I stood there, on that terribly hot and sunny day, with the rows and rows of unknown graves, I thought of the thousands of wives, parents, siblings and friends never knew what happened to the one that they loved...never knew that they are now buried in Richmond Virignia, in a quiet National Cemetery tucked away behind a brick fence. But James, I know you are here. I don't know where you are...but I know you are here.

Earlier in the day, as I looked across the James River at Belle Isle, I tried to picture in my mind, what James looked like there, how he must have suffered and how he died alone. I wondered if when you first arrived there, if you came to the river and looked across wondering if you would ever leave? And you didn't. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am a dreamer. (If so, I get that from my Aunt Carol..also related to James!). But I felt kind of close to him today...and to my great-grandma Richardson. She was born in 1886, just 25 years after James died. She must have known his family...they must have spoken of him. I wish I could ask her. I wish that when she sat and told stories over and over to a bored 12 year old girl, that I had listened more.

I hope I meet him one Day. I know that my great-grandmother was a believer so I hope the generations before her were, too. I know that one fourth of James' regiment were from West Point and they were candidates for the ministry. If James didn't know God before he left, maybe he found Him afterwards...between the fighting, between the duties. If so, he must have met my dad by now. Maybe they watched me together as I searched today. You never know. James had a difficult life. But he is not forgotten. Even if he is in an unmarked grave.

John Jasper and Ken Richardson

2011-07-29T22:29:00.009-04:00

Brown's Island and Sixth Mount Zion Baptist

Oh, my dad would have SO enjoyed today!!! Soon after Steve and I were married, before kiddos, my parents came to visit. I took a day off work and rode with mom and dad for a day trip to Richmond. I don't remember everything we did but what I do remember, I have never forgotten.

My dad wanted to go to Hollywood Cemetery. He was sooo excited. He loved history and this was the place to go if you enjoy history. In this cemetery, we found two US Presidents...John Tyler and James Monroe as well a Confederate President...Jefferson Davis and two Confederate generals...JEB Stuart and George Pickett. I also remember that we ate lunch at the MCV hospital! Dad did that a lot. :)

He also told me about a black preacher by the name of John Jasper. Dad had a paper pamplett that told about John Jasper and how he started a church in Richmond. I remember dad telling me that his church was on an island and he became so popular that people would come from all around to hear him preach. Dad was so interested. He said one day, he wanted to find that island and visit it. If we only knew, that from Hollywood Cemetery, we could actually SEE the island (I have since some to find that it is named Brown's Island) and if we had driven a couple of miles towards the James River, we could visit that island...we were SO close..but we didn't know.

TODAY, my family went there and more. Thank goodness for Google!!

We drove to Brown's Island....it was over 100 degrees and for Korie's sake, we couldn't get out and walk around. But we did drive around and see a little of it. Jasper was a funeral preacher... but his manner of speaking was so dynamic that he was often invited to speak at other churches. He was given permission to preach by his owner Samuel Hardgrove. He was invited to preach all around Virginia. But the invitees had to pay Samuel Hardgrove $1 for Jasper to travel and preach to make up for the work Jasper would miss.

Two years after Jasper's freedom, he and several close friends founded the Sixth Mount Zion Baptist Church. They began meeting on Brown's Island in an abandoned Confederate Horse Stable on Sept. 3, 1867. By 1869, his congregation had grown so much that Jasper moved his flock to it's current site at 14 West Duval St. My family visited there today! I wish it had been a Sunday so we could worship with them!

Jasper's reputation grew as visitors, both black and white would fill the pews. His sermon called "De Sun Do Move" became popular and he had many requests to repeat it. It even appeared in a Richmond newspaper and he was requested to preach it in front of the Virginia General Assembly.

Jasper died in 1901. Steve and I went in this beautiful church today. There were homeless people surrounding the entrance because the church feeds them every Friday. Three ladies were working and one showed us around the church. She told us that since Jasper started this church, there have only been 9 pastors....since the Civil War time!! She was so kind and gave us a wonderful tour before she went back to serving the homeless. We are going back sometime to see the room dedicated to John Jasper. If you call ahead of time, the Historian will meet you and take you in the room....oh, dad!! If we had only knowns. How this would have make you so happy! But then again, I am sure you have met John Jasper himself and the two of you are probably great friends! It makes me smile to think of it!

What a day!

2011-07-29T22:07:00.005-04:00

My heart is so full that I don't even know if I can put into words how special today was to me. Actually the past two days. Steve said we could go on a one night trip. I don't know if he is feeling the time of trips with Kristin passing by, but I do. So I am thankful for another family memory to make.

We decided to go to Richmond and work on our "stay three nights, get one free" hotel rewards program. :) Day one was "touristy" things but great fun! We went to the Capitol..it is just beautiful....with the blue sky and green grass, you can't take a bad picture of it! We had a great tour guide and enjoyed it. Our next stop was the Executive Mansion where the Governor lives. It was a good tour, too, but the mansion isn't really a MANSION...it's kind of small for a governor's home. But the decor was lovely. Two favorite things....out in the garden, we found the kid's hiding place for their boogie boards. Second, we had to take the new elevator so Korie could get in the house. The family uses the elevator as a place to store things. The governor's golf clubs were in there, a whole shelf of games and hanging on the back wall of the elevator was a hanger with a blue skirt!! Made us laugh. The walk back to the van was rough...it was almost 100 degrees!! We ended the day in Carytown and met one of Kristn's friends for dinner and a movie...Thor. I actually kind of enjoyed it.

Day two, we actually toured a cemetery. A famous one! Hollywood Cemetery holds two presidents...John Tyler and James Monroe as well as some famous Confederates...Jefferson Davis, JEB Stuart and George Pickett. Again..a HOT day in the 100s but the views of the James River were well worth it.

The next part, I will save for my next post...it involves memories of my dad and putting together some thoughts and events of a relative that fought in the Civil War. This second day was a pensive, reflective day for me.......

A Special Kind of Day

2011-06-13T14:48:00.004-04:00

Today wasn't anything "special". We all got up, got Korie off to school, Steve went to work and Kristin and I got a little more sleep. I had breakfast, did some work around the house and helped Steve with some things. Korie is now home from school, the girls are watching the Cosby Show, Kristin is figuring out evening plans with friends and I am starting to think toward supper.

But it kind of WAS a special type of day. There are only a few more of these days left. Could this be Kristin's last summer at home? The last summer we fold towels together? watch Cosby together?....just have these normal days ? Sometimes I watch Kris and Korie together, listen to their laughter or I steal a hug and know that these are special times. Playing Phase 1o, watching our reality shows together, taking turns getting showers, eating dinner together at night....these will be memories soon.

So, though this is a "normal, nothing really happened" kind of day....I love it and I treasure it. I am tucking it in my heart to keep forever.

The Real Laura Ingalls Wilder

2011-06-07T16:37:00.002-04:00

The first time I learned of Laura Ingalls Wilder, I was in the fourth grade at Monterey Elementary School in Ohio. I can still picture the small library and even the very shelves where her books were kept. I read through the whole series and then I would start over again. Something about the free and independent spirit of her pioneer family captured my attention. I never tired of reading about Pa and Ma, Mary, Laura, Carrie and baby Grace as they traveled from Wisconsin, Indian Territory, and DeSmet, South Dakota. As soon as my girls were old enough to understand, I began reading the same stories to them. The TV show made the family more popular and the made-up episodes were fun but there was nothing better than the real stories in Laura's written accounts.

So I was thrilled when my family traveled to Missouri last week and visited Mansfield, where Laura lived with Almanzo until her death in 1957. Seeing Pa's fiddle with my own eyes, the slates that Pa bought Mary and Laura in Plum Creek and more, was very meaningful to me. I bought a replica of Ma's Shepherdess that she always kept on their mantel, a tin cup with a peppermint stick and penny...the same thing the Ingalls girls got for Christmas one year and something else that I will always treasure. I bought a copy of bible references in Laura's handwritting that were in her small bible near her rocker where she sat to read. They were a blessing to me and I thought I would share. She wrote:

In facing a crisis read 46 Psalm

When discouraged read 23 & 24 Psalm

Lonely or fearful read 27 Psalm

Planning a budget read St. Luke chapter 19

To live successfully with others read Romans chapter 12

Sick or in pain read 91 Psalm

When you travel carry with you 121 Psalm

When very weary read Matthew 11:28 & 30 and Romans 8: 31-39

When things from bad to worse 2 Timothy 3

When friends go back on you, hold to 1 Corinthians 13

For inward peace the 14th Chapter of St. John

To avoid misfortune Matthew 7: 24-27

For record of what trust in God can do Hebrews 11

If you are having to put up a fight-the end of Ephesians

When you have sinned read 1 John 3:1-21

And make Psalm 51 your prayer

It was so wonderful to see how Laura relied on God's Word in hard situations. I am sure she faced many, as we all do. I am so glad that Laura lived her life with God walking by her side. I am so happy that I got to see this side of her....the real Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Easter brought some memories

2011-04-27T20:38:00.003-04:00

Family pictures out in the back yard.... As my family gathered, a wave of homesickness came over me and I almost wept. I wanted my mom, with her silly sayings and her warm voice and love of family; I longed to hear my dad's laugh and the feel of his hand as it clasped mine. I was lonesome for my brothers and their teasing ways and the fun times we shared.

I realize that all through my life, those days will come back to me and all the things my parents tried to teach me will linger in my mind. The steady example of my parents have been something I have tried to follow though sometimes I fail or fall short. Their shining love of life has encouraged me to plod on in life, attempting to always do my best.

These thoughts lead me to think of the path of my own two children and the choices they will make through life. Have I done enough? have I loved enough? have I done what I could? I try to remember that my parents were not perfect. But I knew they loved me and I knew they had my best in mind for me, even if I did not always agree with them. I hope my own children realize the same.

I am who I am today because of my parents. I will never be able to go back in time, I will never again get to talk to them (in this life), ask their advice or just enjoy their company. Some days that makes me very sad. But also, because of them and the way they pointed me to God, I can look forward to something better than the life I had with them here on earth. Perfect scenery, perfect fellowship, all the time we need; it will be sweet....in a way I can't even understand. And it is because of "Easter" that this will be true. Because of what Christ did for us..this is why I will spend more time with my parents someday.

And my children? They will overcome my mistakes. They will both be there with us. Korie will be whole and healed. All these longings will be gone and Christ will be all I need. Yes, this Easter puts a longing in my heart...but a longing for what will BE....someday soon..I hope.

Birthdays

2011-02-07T13:29:00.005-05:00

My birthday is coming up. Birthdays are a mixed bag of feelings. They excite because they are about YOU! And, it can't be denied that we like things that are about us. Usually, on your birthday, you get to relax, others do your work for you, take you out to eat, buy you gifts, etc. It's kind of nice to have one day a year that is about YOU. BUT, as you get older, well, birthdays make your number go up a little higher and remind you about how you are just getting....OLD! :)

Next year will be a big number for me (hey, I have one year before I really have to think about it so I won't mention which it is). But I will admit that it is a number that in the past, I have thought of as very aged!! However, I believe I will address all that NEXT year and enjoy this decade (which I also thought of as old 20 years ago) while I can.

This year, I have a new struggle with my birthday. As this birthday grows nearer, I think more and more about my mom and dad. I kind of regret not living close to my family...that was kind of out of my control...Steve's and God's...lol. Over the past 20 some years, I have resigned myself that my family goes on with birthday celebrations without me and that I spend mine without them. BUT, I did look forward to talking to my mom and getting her card....which was always kind of sappy, which used to sometimes irritate me but now, I would give anything to have one this week. PLUS, it always had money in it. I rarely get money that is just mine alone! To spend in anyway and on anything I want. I didn't realize how much that meant to me until last year when it didn't come.

Even last year, I missed mom but it wasn't as strong as this. I almost dread the day coming because I will miss her (and my dad) and the calls they would give me. I just realized the other day that they both would have turned 70 this year. That seems so old to me now, but again, as has already happened, the day will come when even that number doesn't seem so old anymore.

Mom used to make birthdays so great. I followed what she used to do...big birthdays only come with certain numbers...that makes them more special. In todays world, parents make each birthday so big and so expensive, that it is harder and harder to come up with something that outdoes the last one. BUT, mom made sure that each birthday was special, even if it was in a smaller way. I hope I did that for my kids, as well.

Each year, I could still have a few friends over. We would camp out in the backyard in a tent and play Truth or Consequences and laugh until we couldn't breath. Or I had a sleepover in sleeping bags in the living room, watching scary movies (in those days that was THE BLOB or THE CREATURE IN THE BLACK LAGOON, not the slash/ creepy movies of today...just throwing that in) and sharing secrets while eating pizza. And she ALWAYS woke us up playing HAPPY BIRTHDAY on the piano and singing....which she could do neither well! We made so much fun of her but if she had not done it, we would have been so disappointed. There would be cake and presents and calls from relatives.

My dad started telling me when I was a little thing that he didn't want me to get any older than ten. He would tell me that all the time. I thought it was so crazy! In my old bible, I still have a pink piece of paper where he wrote me a note on my 21st birthday. It's says:

Happy Birthday!
21
So hard to believe!
Have a good day. I wish I could be with you. You have a special place in my heart that no one else can ever take.
If you'll remember, I never really wished you to be 10 years old...now 21...Love, dad

I just cherish that now!

Yes, birthdays were great. Thanks, mom and dad! This weekend, I will miss you so much. I will try to find that memory of your birthday song in my mind and I am going to read that pink note. I will treasure your memories and hope that you know it's my birthday and so you might both peek down at me. Thank you for my birthday!!

One Year

2010-11-02T15:10:00.004-04:00

Mom,

One year since you have left us....hard to believe. It seems like so much longer. Do you know what has happened since you left? I have a feeling you do.

Kristin is still at Liberty. Remember those nice dorms across the highway? That's where she lives now. She is still playing volleyball and has lots of new friends. She works for me now...taking care of Korie in the summer. I know you would like that.

Korie joined chorus in school. She loves it. She went to camp this past weekend. She wore a couple of the shirts you bought her last year before you went in the hospital. She loved them.

Steve is still studying...oh, and he is doing varsity basketball this year again. I know you would think that it was too much, and you are right. But hopefully, it will work out okay. He is Elementary Coordinator...what do you think about that? You would be proud of him.

I am still doing bible study. You would be doing it along with me at home. You would be almost done studying Revelation. But I know you get lessons for the Master now. You would be thrilled for me that I went to England and Hawaii this past year. I hope you were watching. England was a life long dream and you knew that. I decided to go while you were sick...not even sure if you remember. I hope so.

We are having Christmas at my house this year. Remember the one other time we did that? You were thrilled that we lit a candle to remember dad. This year, we will do it for you, too.

It has been a struggle without you. I know we didn't see eye to eye on many things but we were still close. I didn't realize until you were gone how much I talked to you on the phone. I still think about calling you just about every day....sometimes it is still a shock when I remember that you won't answer. I called our number the other day...the one we had on Hibbs Road since 1967. I half expected someone else to have it already but it is still just an "out of order" number. I suppose to someone will have it soon though and that stinks.

The Taylors live in our house now. Isn't that weird? I can't imagine it. I don't know if I ever want to go back there again. I don't know if I could stand the changes. I can hardly even write about it. Many of your things are here in my house. That is strange, too. I wonder what you would think?

What about you? What have you been doing for the past year? I would love to know. Does it seem like a year to you? Does it seem like only a day? Surely, you have met dad again. Do you hang out with him? Does he show you around? Do you both watch us? I believe you can if you want to. I just don't think you have the time to do it often. But I don't know for sure. Who have you met? What job do you have? What is your home like? What sights do you see? WHERE are you? I know you are in a temporary heaven but WHERE is it? Are you out in the sky somewhere? Are you around me but we can't see you?

The holidays are coming. Your passing was near them. So near, that last Thanksgiving and Christmas, I think we were in a daze and it didn't seem like you were missing for a holiday. It does seem like that this year. I can't stop thinking about you. I did well afterwards...but lately...it's hard. I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS" is a song that I can't stop thinking about lately as December nears. I can only be home for Christmas now in my dreams...that song is true.

I know God has a plan for each person. A time to be born and a time to die. I just don't know why I am so young both my parents are gone already. I still needed you both... my life isn't always easy. It was nice to share that burden with you at times. It was nice to know that unconditional love was there..within reach.

I am still happy...I have a great family and I am loved and love them. But I have a hole....it was there when dad left and my life changed forever..but you and our childhood home, kept that hole filled enough that the pain didn't always ebb through. Now, it is just really empty and I am having trouble filling it up. I am glad I have the Lord and I have the Hope of seeing you again. But until then, it is a struggle.

The way that you left us was difficult. You were so sick and so many difficult things happened. I hate sin for many reasons but the suffering it causes makes me detest it with all that is in me. It is hard for me to accept that both you and dad had to suffer before you left. I am thankful yours was only 21 days instead of the year of suffering poor dad had to endure. But it was a diffuclt 21 days and I am reliving them this week. I am so sorry for any way that I added to it. I know you wanted out of that bed and you got very angry at me for not letting you up. I hope you know that I wish you could have had anything you wanted. I hope you weren't angry with me when you had your last thoughts of me. It was always a comfort to me that dad's last words were, "I love you, too, Donna"....thinking of what you may have been thinking has been a struggle for me.

So, as this "mile marker"...this "year" is now gone...and the time that I last talked to you gets farther and farther away...I will keep going on....remember that sign dad had us paint for youth group?..,Keep on keeping on....well, he taught me to do that...and I will. But as our lives keep changing and growing, the fact that you aren't here with us will never be far from my mind....no matter how much time passes. I wanted you to know that.

One year.....how many more to go until we are all together again?

Changes in the Holiday

2010-11-02T13:47:00.003-04:00

Today I am thinking about Christmas. With my parents gone now, my brothers and I have to make new Christmas traditions while keeping some of our meaningful ones. We decided we are taking turns hostings the Christmas celebrations at one another's homes. I get to have it at my house first! The good thing about that is that I don't have to travel at Christmas time this year...a nice treat!! Two whole weeks in Virginia and no long drives to Ohio and back.

The difficult thing is that doing something new and having it first is a little bit daunting to me. I feel the need to make this year special and meaningful. I want to mix a bit of "new" while acknowledging the past. I have put a lot of thought into it and am still pondering on the day.

Of course, the very reason that we have Christmas is to celebrate the coming of Christ. So that is something that I want to stress. It is something that was important to both my parents. The reading of the Christmas story is a nod to my father who always read it to us on Christmas Eve. Making memories for all to remember is a nod to my mother who always told us to make memories. But I will also mix in a little of my own family, mine and Steve's, by adding some of our own traditions.

So, my mind is on Christmas already...even before Thanksgiving, which is another story completely. Korie and I are listening to Christmas music and I am making myself not start decorating for a few weeks yet. I will probably drive my sisters in law crazy as I keep asking them questions about the day! But my mind is considering how I will "be home for Christmas....if only in my dreams", while making a new celebration for my daughters, nephews and nieces....one that they will someday look back on and remember with fond thoughts. Can I do it? I am going to try.

I am so tired....

2010-10-19T12:25:00.003-04:00

Can I be tired today? I need to be tired. I so much try to be upbeat and strong and just keep going and not complain. But today...I am tired. I am tired of not getting enough sleep. I am tired of not having time alone. I am tired of giving people medicine (including myself), I am tired of Korie getting UTIs and taking her to the doctor all the time, I am tired of worrying about Kristin and about if she is safe, if her grades are good, if she will find the right person and will God work in her life.

I am tired of missing my parents and of thinking about someone else living in my childhood home. I am tired of cleaning the same things and the same clothes over and over. I am sooo tired.

I am tired of making sure Korie is cathed every 4 hours. I am tired of my shoulder hurting all the time from helping her move in and out of my chair and I am tired of dealing insurance issues all the time!!!!!! (I am REALLY tired of that one!). I am even tired of people not knowing how tired I am!! :) There are so many other reasons I am tired...the demands of life call to me.

I would never have written all this out if I hadn't seen some of the psalms where David tells exactly how he feels....thing is....David then ends the psalm with the other side of the coin.....

So.....I am thankful for life...for the ability to get up in the morning. I am grateful for my daughters and for all that comes with them for it makes them part of who they are. I can trust them to the Lord. I appreciate that there are doctors and procedures to make Korie's life a good one. I am grateful for her love and her smile and for a husband who loves and cares for his family. I am in gratitude that my parents are in heaven waiting for me and that God made it possible for my sins to be forgiven and has given me a home. Someday, I will live there and I won't be tired anymore. I will be rested, calm and in the place where I was meant to be and the type of person I was meant to be. I will be surrounded by the family of God. Praise Him for all His has done, all He is doing and all He will do. I am most blessed.

On days like today, I look forward....and that helps me to go another day.

Accepting my "Holland"

2010-08-17T17:43:00.004-04:00

I do not even know if I can explain in words my feelings this week. I have lived through sending my oldest to college and the bittersweet feelings that it brings to a parent's heart. I was right there, fighting the tears and struggling with the inner turmoil that tries to accept such a big change in my life.

I am in no way, undermining anyone who is experiencing this feeling in the coming weeks. Many of my friends have children going off to college and my heart and my prayers are with them. I hurt for them on one hand and rejoice with them on the other.

This year, another dimension comes into my thoughts and feelings. These are my own to bear and I don't take away from the feelings of pain or joy from anyone else. But what I am facing on my own, is the fact that this is the year that Korie is suppose to be packing and going off to college. We are suppose to be done with sports, graduation, that decision of where to go and what classes to take. Korie and Kristin could be going off together. Steve and I could be ready to experience the "empty nest" with no children at home and freedom to explore our own relationship again.

Instead, Kristin goes off alone, I watch other mom's saying good bye to their 18 year olds full of hopes and dreams. Yes....it's a bit hard to take sometimes. I wish I was struggling with my goodbyes...Oh, our family has our joys in the little things....so I am not complaining.....I was THRILLED when Korie read GREEN EGGS AND HAM to me all on her own yesterday....so happy to have someone that loves my unconditionally and tells me she loves me everyday. I am a mom most blessed.

But that doesn't stop my feelings of "what could have been" if God had not chosen me for this task. Most days, I am up for it!!! Ocassionally, on days like today, when school starts up again, I struggle a bit more. I found a poem that best describes my feelings on days like last May, during graduation and days like this week, when college looms around the corner...it's called:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
byEmily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.

But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

So, I will turn back to my "Holland" and see the good things that I have that others don't. I may mourn some days but when my perspective is correct and I realize that it is GOD that took me to Holland...then I can take a deep breath and enjoy Holland. For in Holland, you are told how much you are loved...every day!!

The Time Machine

2010-07-30T23:58:00.001-04:00

Wouldn't it be something if you had a handheld "time machine" that you could point at certain rooms, or certain places? Then ghostly images from the past would play like a movie in front of your eyes..showing exactly what happened years ago. What an invention that would be!!

I would point it in the direction of the living room of my childhood home. First, I wouldn't even see the room that stands there today but a big open field with high, green corn growing on one side, and an older brick home on the other. Then, my two brothers and I are running across the grass as our dad explains that we would soon have a home built here. All three of us have on cowboy hats and play clothes as we run over grass that doesn't have our footpaths worn in it yet....but soon will.

Then the scene fades and a house is now standing there. A nice, big living room with orange carpet (yes, it was the 70s). My mom and dad are sitting on their green furniture smiling and watching their three children run across the long room, doing sommersaults and rolls across the new, fresh, shag carpet. We are rolling and turning until we can hardly catch our breath.

Now it is Christmas....a real tree all decorated with old ornaments and big colored lights and lots of tinsil is blinking in the room. I see myself looking out that window to the sky, trying to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus and his reindeer. Then, quickly, I see three bright-eyed children sneaking down the stairs and waking their parents to come in and start opening presents. I see snap guns, dolls and racetracks across the room and parents enjoying the laughing and activity. Then, everyone is dressing up and grandma Irvin is sitting on the couch and we are waiting for family to come celebrate the holiday. Aunt, uncles and cousins are sitting in a circle as they guess who drew their name so they can open their gifts....but they fade away.....

I see myself having a birthday sleepover, with my friends in their sleeping bags laying across the floor. The game of Truth or Consequences is being played and then a scary movie on the TV and girls screaming and ducking underneath covers. What fun they are having! They don't know that time is ticking.....Then I am sitting at my black piano, practicing my lessons...I spent hours there...but I only see a little glimpse....

Now, it changes to summertime, the heat bearing in, windows opened and fans running. We have come home from a picnic, where my brother had gotten lost from wandering away. Now he is standing in the corner, the flush of fear still on my parents faces. Now it is winter, so cold...the blizzard of '78, the worst winter storm in Ohio history. Banks of snow all around the house, the furnace out, all the other rooms but the living room, blocked off to keep the small heat from the fireplace on us. I am coughing with bronchitis and have to go and stay with friends who have a coal furnace......

Now the room blends from white to color and a woodstove, that would be the main staple of the room for years to come is now in place. It's dark green color and it's beautiful window with black trim intriguing to young eyes. From now on, the room will be filled with firewood and newspaper to keep out the cold.

All of the sudden, the scene changes and we are older. I see many events going by in a blurr....myself, sitting and doing an all nighter for science, my brother lying on the couch crying from a fall down the stairs and a broken collar bone, my dad bringing in a big oak stair railing that would define the room forever, family devotions in the morning before school, church family over for a cookout, missionaries that we took in during a conference, my brothers wrestling on the floor. I see dad taking a nap on the couch, mom sitting and reading her bible under the lamp, old boyfriends of mine and old girlfriends of my brothers joining our family for an evening. I see myself and my cat playing Hide and Seek together, one of my favorite memories and Bobo running across the room, excited to be in the house. The scenes are going by so quickly, I want them to slow down so I can savor each one.....but they keep on going....as life seems to do...one chance to see the moment and then it is gone forever.

I can tell the machine is fading...the spirit-like images becoming even more transparent...but I can still make out my brothers holding their trophies up for a picture in front of the fireplace. I see me in my high school cap and gown smiling for the camera with my parents. I see me looking around the room one last time before I leave for college.....and I see coming home and finding things a little different but still familiar. I see my last night at home....the living room can be a quiet room...the TV was in the "TV room" and brothers in their room or outside....the lights are turned down, just the green glow from the lower half of the lamps shining. I sit quietly in the chair, hearing the chimes of the clock as they sing goodbye...for I soon will have a new home.

The last few scenes show me returning home with husband and daughters. Now they are the ones sleeping on the floor with cousins and hanging out around the room talking. The living room that once seemed so large for the five of us, now is bursting at the seams with the 18 of us. Mom and Dad loving on their grandkids.....but wait, dad isn't here in this picture after all...he didn't meet all of his grandchildren...he is gone and we look sad. But we go on...summer visits still passing by, Christmases celebrated, family gathering. It seems it will go on like this forever.....

But then, everything is changed. Mom is gone, too. One by one, things start to disappear from the room...soon it is empty. The house is just a shell of what it once was....it is handed over to someone new....it isn't ours anymore.....new decor, new faces, new memories will fill the four walls.

The scenes are ended and there are no more pictures to see. I shake my head and try not to cry....at first I am sad but then I realize that I don't need a "time machine" to see those images. They are in my mind. They are available at any time. Yes, it is true that they are more like shadows and I can't touch, taste or feel those moments anymore. But I can close my eyes and remember...so I lean back, sigh....and I choose which moment to open up to my mind's eye...the old times right there to see...and I enjoy the pictures...of any room I desire.

The Wagon Wheel

2010-07-30T01:56:00.002-04:00

If you look from my living room into my backyard, you will see an old iron-metal wagon wheel leaning against a tree. Sometimes I sit and look at that wheel and imagine the stories I could learn from it. You see, it didn’t come from around here… Virginia, which is full of its own history and stories. No, this wheel’s story comes from another place…another time.

Last month, I was visiting my brother in Kentucky. He asked me if I would want to ride along to Jacksboro, Tennessee, the next morning, stay a few hours and be back to his house by lunch. This involved leaving at 3 am. I was so tempted to say no, because I do love my morning sleeping hours. But I had not been back to Jacksboro since my mom and I went for the Richardson Reunion five years ago.

Jacksboro is an important place to me. It is right near all the action that took place so many years ago with the Tennessee Valley Association, For you see, my relatives lived right where Norris lake is now. My ancestors had to leave their homes for higher ground for the government wanted to put a manmade lake in their valley. So they just moved…up. Up to Jacksboro. Jacksboro is a little tiny town…the kind that you would miss if you blinked. But from the town, you start going up the mountain and many folks lived up there. Most of my dad’s family did. My history is there…and when I am there, I feel that history all the way down to my bones.

My great-grandparents, Hattie Gaylor and Lee Richardon, did well for themselves. They owned about 300 acres and they farmed the land. From the time I was born, my father would take me there every summer to visit his grandparents. We called them Grandpa and Grandma Richardson. As I grew, I used to roam the rolling hills that my family owned, with the barb wire fences separating the fields, the crops growing, and the cows (and that bull we ran from) chewing their cud. It was a world that didn’t exist back home in Ohio, the Midwest flat lands! Even as a child, I could close my eyes and see great grandparents working in the fields, their 9 children helping them. I heard the stories Grandma Richardson used to tell us of days that she remembered with such clarity. She lived to be 104…but she died in 1990….so long ago, it seems to me. Now her home is rundown and empty….a terrible sight to see. But one of her grandchildren still raise hogs and cattle on that farmland.

So that day, when I agreed to get up when it was still dark and take that 4 hour trip with my brother, I was thinking that I had the chance to see it all again. So much had changed and that made me sad. We went through her ransacked house and I tried not to cry. The very same couch she would sit on and tell us her stories still sat there in ruins. The bed she would sleep in, still there but destroyed! I found a pair of her shoes, one of her purses and some cards she wrapped in red ribbon.

But as we were leaving, we drove by the house in their side yard. The one with the cellar….the one where grandma would take us as she got her preserves or her canned green beans that she had put away and needed to cook for us on her wood stove. I asked my brother to stop…could we look in it? Could I take one whiff of that cellar smell that was so familiar to me. We could hardly open the door….my brother stepped in, hoping to avoid any creatures hanging around. But he saw something! Leaning against one of the walls were two old wagon wheels! He wanted one to take home….it was soooo big. But he wanted to use it as a decoration in his yard. Did I want one?, he asked me…….I thought, oh, that’s big and we are far from home…what will Steve think? But I said….YES! I did!! So we loaded the second one….took it back to Kentucky and then into our van and back to Virginia.

Now that old wheel, that sat so many years in an old cellar, of a home where no one lived anymore, where there was nothing left but memories, was sitting at my home. We leaned it against our back tree in the back yard. It looks good there! And it makes me think. I can now imagine about the Richardson land from my own yard in Virginia. I look at the wheel and wonder if my great grandfather had it on his hay wagon…for that is what it looks like…a hay wagon wheel. I imagine him in the hot, Tennessee sun, with his boys, working hard in the fields…the wheels slowly turning as they make their way up and down the rows of crops they planted themselves.

Then I remember that my dad spent his summers there. His father died when he was 5. His mom wanted him to spend time with men. So he would go to Cincinnati to stay with an uncle or he would go to Tennessee to spend time with his grandfather. Dad told me how he would work out in the fields sometimes and help. He told of riding the hay, drinking cool water and working hard. So now, I look at that wheel and wonder if it could possibly be one of the wheels of the hay wagon carrying a teenage boy, who had lost his father, but kept touch with him through his family? Did my dad hoist himself over that same wheel that now leans against the tree in my yard! What a thought! I wonder what he would have thought if it were true? Could he imagine being married someday with a daughter who would miss him when he was gone and miss the family that he introduced her to when she was born? Could he have realized that he could put love of family and love of land in that little girl? Would he had ever thought as he noticed the wheel of the wagon he was riding in that hot day, would 50 years later be in Kentucky at a son’s home and in Virginia at a daughter’s home? I wonder and I wonder!! These are the thoughts that tumble around in my mind as I look out my living room windows at the old wagon wheel in my back yard…..oh how I wish that wheel could answer my questions!!

My Childhood Bedroom

2010-07-21T23:33:00.010-04:00

I was the only girl, so I got my own bedroom. It was upstairs in our home but had one slanting ceiling. I loved it. Mom painted the room light blue when we had the house built and it was a Holly Hobby theme. Later, I had it painted pink and white. I loved all the angles and corners in the room, although I did bump my head a few times. My room was my sanctuary. I spent hours there (just ask my brothers). I had my own world going on. I was always a dreamer, making up stories...sometimes writing them down but many times, living them out through my Barbies, Dawn Dolls and paper dolls...my imagination ran wild.

Each doll had a name that it still has today. Each one had a personality, certain friends, liked certain clothes. My neighbor, and best friend growing up, would come and add her Barbies and we had a real Soap Opera Serial going on!! We would spend hours playing...an old Ed Ames record played music as our dolls danced, various parts of the room would be homes, I could go on and on. What a world we lived in!! I loved it.

I spent hours in my room reading as well. I doubt you could count the books I read in there! It was where I could get away from what I percieved as my "trials" in life! Growing up, at times, was difficult for me , because of so many things that I didn't understand...such as why I had to dress or be a certain way. I felt like I never made my own decisions and I was very dramatic! I rarely rebelled on the outside but I sure did on the inside. I guess most kids go through these kind of things as they grow up. I took mine very hard. My walls could tell many stories of things I said outloud that never left my room.

I have had trouble falling asleep my whole life. While laying there trying so hard to sleep, I could hear everything going on in the house downstairs. Years later, my mom slept in there and was amazed at how I ever went to sleep with all the sounds. I spent many hours feeding my imagination as I tried to sleep. However, in the mornings, it was hard to get up!! My mom would yell up the stairs to get out of bed, and I would lean over and hit the floor with my hands so she would think I gotten up. Then I would lay there a little longer. She told me later that she knew that was what I was doing. It seems silly now but I remember as a child, the nights my mom would be out late at a women's church event. I would worry what would happen to us if she was in an accident and didn't come home. I would lay in bed worrying until I heard her pull in the driveway. I never, ever went to sleep before she got home...and I never told about it....I don't know why.

The furniture in my room was a dark, beautiful wood that had been my grandparents first bedroom set after they married. It was old but I liked it. I like the big round mirror that sat atop the dresser and the tall bedposts at the end and top of the bed. When I was a teenager, my grandmother found purple bedsprings that we put under my bed (purple was my new color) and though they were kind of noisey, I loved them. My mom got rid of them as soon as I moved out! :) I also loved the bubble light that hung next to my bed that I would read by and the crocheted plant holder my great-grandmother gave me. I always had a plant in it, near the window.

At night, my brothers, would knock on the wall and I would answer back. Sometimes I would start, and they always answered. It was the old knock that everyone knows....the five raps, ending with the two raps....the most famous knock in the world! It makes me smile to remember.

My favorite part of my room was the view out of the window. We lived in the country and there was a corn field across the road from us. On the other side of the cornfield, was a pond and beyond the pond was Route 104. I could see all these things from my window. The sun set over that pond every evening. Out that window, I saw sunsets, growing corn in the summer and white snow in the winter. One of the last things I did when I left the house for the last time, was gaze out that window at my view that was my own for 17 years before moving out to be married.

The most important thing that ever happened to me was in that room. One Sunday, on the way home from church, I told my parents that I wanted to accept Christ as my Savior. My dad took me to my room, we read some passages from the Bible and I knelt at my bed and asked Christ to save me. Right there in my pink and white room! :)

I had sleepovers with so many friends there, cried my heart out when my boyfriend in tenth grade broke up with me, railed against what I perceived as unfair rules, was woken up on birthdays by mom "trying" to play Happy Birthday on the piano and I enjoyed the rare nights my dad would come up and rub my feet when they were cramping and tell me stories of when he was little. I lay in bed many nights on Christmas Eve listening for Santa's reindeer to land on the roof and was SURE I heard the rustling of him wrapping our presents! I spent countless hours dreaming of my future, what I would be like, how many kids I would have and who Mr. Right would be.

And there was the Ohio State Basketball poster that I taped to the back of my door that I Ioved so much. It had my favorite players on it, Steve Winters, Larry Bolden and Craig Taylor. It was on the door for so long, that when I got married, it wouldn't come off so I could take it with me. When we sold the house, Steve took a razor and got it off for me. I loved that poster! There were the years of Abandon, my cat, sleeping on my feet at night. Such a familiar feeling. Then there was the spot on the rug where our dog, Bobo got sick and mom tried her best to get all of the stain out but never could!. And the little rocking chair that belonged to my grandmother and my mom and then to me. I would put my dolls in it. It sat in the same spot year after year, reminding me of my past and giving me hope for my future.

So many memories of my bedroom. I could never list them all. Last time I left there, most signs of my being there were gone, packed up and put in boxes or brought to my home in Virginia. Yet, it will always remain my room. Some memories are so ingrained, that even external changes cannot hid the fact of what was. No matter whose room it is now, if they listen hard enough, they will hear the sounds of a little girl's imagination.......

Remembering our Family Kitchen

2010-07-09T23:21:00.007-04:00

I am going to posting my memories of my childhood home. My parents built the house when I was 6 years old and I lived there until I was 22 and married Steve. Every room has numerous memories. Today, I am going to think about the kitchen....

It wasn't a big kitchen. But a lot happened there. Our family dinner table sat in front of the sliding doors. We always sat in the same chairs. My dad at the end. We had family dinners every night. My dad got home at 5:30 and we usually sat down to eat as soon as he came home. My dad didn't like any other ethnic foods...we never had pizza, tacos, rice or anything like that. We always had a meat, potatoes cooked in some form, a vegetable and bread. We either had milk or tea to drink. Sometimes, my mom would put the bread in the crock pot and it would get warm and soft.

If dad came home in a good mood, we had a noisy, laughing dinner and if he wasn't in a good mood, it was a quiet one. Years later, I understood that he had colitis and was very ill many evenings, which had a lot to do with his demeaner. But as a child, I never understood that...I just thought he was grumpy those evenings. I wish he had told us.

The kitchen memories: once when dad was in one of his moods, he asked me to pass the bread. I don't know what possessed me, but I picked it up and "passed it"...a football throw from one end of the table to the other. He was an athlete...and he caught with a surprised look on his face. There was a moment of silence as everyone took in what I had just done. Then, a slow grin came across his face and he started laughing...so we all did, too. The rest of dinner was happy!

We had many a birthday celebration around the table...all of us at one time or another. One time, we even had party hats and cake for our dog Bobo. That was a good memory...his birthday was Jan. 19, btw. Dad also ate his cornbread in milk...we kids used to hate it..you could see the cornbread touching the sides of the glass and he would stir it and we would moan of how gross it was. He loved it!

For many years, Christmas was at my grandmothers but then it switched to our house. So on Christmas Day, our midday meal with my grandmother, her boyfriend, Paul, and my aunt and uncle and cousins were in our kitchen...although we ended up eating in several places though the years as we all grew up....the basement, the living room and even the garage so that we could all fit around one table.

After dinner, it was usually the job of the three kids to clean up. One of us would wash, one dry and one put away. Because it would make my brother, Steve upset, I won't tell you what really happened while we cleaned up. :)

We also colored eggs, played board games and did homework at the kitchen table. My dad would fix fudge...or TRY to fix fudge in the kitchen. He would get out the cocoa and start mixing it up, although most of the time, it was too runny and we ate it with spoons! He also would warm up milk on the stove and add cocoa to make us hot chocolate. We popped popcorn on the stove....not microwave then, but real kernels and shaking the pot as it popped.

Later, after I was engaged to Steve, he came and laid the new floor for us. I sat in the kitchen rocking in a chair as I watched him and the grooves are still on the floor! Oops!!

The kitchen is the first place we brought Abandon, the cat that Tom and I brought home...he was abandoned from a car driving in front of us and we brought him home. First he was in the garage and finally mom let us bring him in the kitchen...then he graduated to my room!!

We also left our winter coats, gloves, mittens and boots on the kitchen floor in front of the garage door...I guess eventually, mom picked them up for us.

I remember the dishes, the servings spoons, the serving bowls, the glasses, the revolving pantry doors and what foods we kept in them. I remember which drawers we kept the silverware in, the phone book, the paper and pencils, the bill box and the napkins. I remember where we kept the pots and pans, the kitchen towels and washcloths and the hanging tin cup we would drink out of. I remember mom leaving her jewelry on the kitchen window seal and how we had to tie a rubber band around the doorknobs of the shelves under the sink because they wouldn't stay closed.

We had an old, ugly green refrigerater forever!! Mom hung a picture of Tom Sellek on the fridge to tease dad. She kept the phone numbers of our friends and family on the inside door of the cabinet by the fridge and the keys on top of the fridge! We all would throw our keys up there!! The cat dish was in the kitchen. We never had a dishwasher...there wasn't really room and mom always said she had three dishwashers...haha...not funny! :)

When family came to visit or friends came over to spend time with us, most would come through the kitchen. Only strangers came to the front door!

Yes, our kitchen. It was small but it was mighty in memories. The last time I was in the house, I went out through the kitchen and into the garage. The kitchen ws the last room I said goodbye to. If I close my eyes, I can still see the five of us sitting around the table eating dinner.....

Hawaii Trip

2010-07-09T23:20:00.000-04:00

Kristin's 2nd year at LU

2010-05-05T10:45:00.000-04:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Silly thoughts before I leave England!

2010-03-21T22:46:00.011-04:00

Well, this is my first blog on England.....I shouldn't really be sitting here because there is still so much to do! I have been so busy that I haven't had time to process it or PACK!!! I still have a few hours tomorrow!!

I have already been blessed! A couple of friends gave me a wonderful gift to take with me to England...I am most blessed....thank you, God, for the caring people of Denbigh Baptist...they are the best!!

I have spent this evening reading the US Air website and making sure that all my bottles and liquids are regulation. I have to admit that I am nervous to fly across all that water...I mean, if you crash..it doesn't matter if you are crashing into land or water, really...but I keep thinking of all those hungry sea creatures.....

Seriously, I have never done anything like this but here I go. Rebecca has a friend named Kristin who lived in England and sent us a little care package with English snacks...I loved it....my favorite was the "Hob Nobs"...the package said they were "nobbly oaty biscuits"...don't you love that!!! I do! There was more and I have included a picture of the candy by a decorative flower...thank you! :)

Liz, if you are reading this, thank you for studying at Oxford for you have made this day possible and my friend, Rebecca, who believed that I could go and is allowing me to tag along..and my husband, who, without his support and extra care, this wouldn't be possible (this is like an acceptance speech) and last of all, for Korie's grandparents who will pick her up from school every day for me....I now hear music playing so I will stop!

It is approaching 11 pm and I still am not ready....I know I won't sleep....but I will be ready in 12 hours...when to the airport I go.....whoever my pilot is, I hope you are getting lots of rest tonight!! And maybe by some miracle, the rain won't fall in Philly so we can get out and walk...and maybe we won't get stuck with someone who snores on our flight (although it could be ME, my allergies are acting up!!) and we will land safely at Heathrow Airport and then Rebecca will quickly learn to drive on the left side of the road!!!!

More tomorrow...probably as I wait in the airport through the 8 hour layover!! Yipee!! At least I will have times to turn my dollars into pounds! The adventure continues tomorrow..........

"I WILL"

2010-03-17T07:10:00.004-04:00

So, yesterday, Steve and I had to stand in a courthouse and raise our hands and solemnly swear that we would look after the best interests of and always take care of our own daughter! Wow. The irony of that just....got to me. When the time came for me to answer, I wanted soooo badly to say, "I've done that for 18 years already, why would I stop now??" But I refrained and said "I will."

That whole experience kind of made me sad. I know Korie has serious medical conditions that come up and there are many decisions have to be made that impact her life. I know it is best that we make those decisions and not Korie herself, who may not understand, or a medical professional who doesn't know her whole story. But shouldn't the parents who have raised her from an infant and have all these experiences be considered the "experts" and not have to go through these hoops they have in place? Yes, I know some kids are alone, or have bad parents, there are so many sad situations. And because of those things and because sin is in this world and has messed everything up, children have to be protected. But it still really bothered me that we had to go through this process. It was costly, long, complicated and stressful. I am however, thankful that it went smoothly, thanks to a WONDERFUL lawyer and friends, and it was not contested and that it is behind us.

But, I will forever remember that I had to stand in a courthouse and swear to take care of my own child. And I wonder what this world has come to. And I look forward to the day everything is made right. Not only, will all people be protected and loved as they should, but all will be whole and healthy. What a day that will be! Come, Lord Jesus! Until then...."I WILL!"

The Beginning of my Trip of a Liftime

2010-03-15T22:40:00.005-04:00

I was about 12 years old the first time I went to the Grove City Library and came upon an author named Jean Plaidy. She also wrote books under the name Eleanor Hibbert (and I guess she did romance stories under Victoria Holt but I didn't read those). The ones I read were historical novels on the kings and queens of England, Scotland, and France, mostly. They fascinated me. Whether they did this by the sometimes gruesome but royal stories or because I realized that these were real people and these books were mostly accurate accounts, I am not sure. All I knew, is that when I read one, I was taken to a world of castles, towers, riches, war, danger and intrigue. They tickled my imagination. I felt like I knew the likes of King Henry VIII with his 6 wives, whom I always remember by....Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survived! I could see the beautiful Anne Boelyn and the young and foolish Catherine Howard as they were locked in the Tower awaiting their deaths, after being the darling of the king and having everything they ever wanted. I felt like I knew Eleanor of Aquitaine, who married two kings in her lifetime, and who traveled on Crusades (quite a big deal in those days) and lost the love of her husband, King Henry and ended up captive until her son Richard freed her at Henry's death.

England seemed so far away from my little world in Ohio. It seemed farther away still as I moved to Virginia and life continued on....England a distant thought, though occassionally, I pick up a history book now and then and read more. I actually one time asked the Lord if He would just let me take a fly down and look around before He destroyed it someday! :) I also kept notebooks, writing down things to remember if I ever got to go.

Then one day last year, my friend Rebecca asked if I would like to go with her to England in the spring. My first thought was "no way"...I am in no position in life for a trip like that. I have responsibilites, a few bills that need to be paid, trips like that are for the other people...not me. Why, I am lucky if I get to go someplace besides Ohio to visit family! Rebecca told me we should just pray. I wanted to laugh...I may have actually laughed aloud!

But as time passed, and the opportunity to stay on the Air Force base there became available and my wonderful husband kept saying...."this could happen"..."this could be your last chance!" I actually allowed myself to think maybe I could do this!! I took the plunge and we bought plane tickets!! I was going to ENGLAND!!!! I still can't believe it! I still wonder if at the last minute, SOMETHING will keep me from going. As usual, my life took it's turns with my mom's death and Korie having a medical condition...I honestly didn't believe I was going until last week. So, right now...it looks like I am taking an adventure! A trip that I have only taken in my dreams! I think I am going to England....I don't know if I will believe it until I am in the air.

I am behind now....I only started seriously getting ready this week...I have so much to do....A widow's luncheon to plan, a women's retreat to get ready for, packing to do...and I have to plan for the three days in London...which I thought I had done but had to start over today....BUT, that's okay.

As the plane flies away from the States, I hope to leave my worries behind and concentrate on taking in everything I can. I am going to stand on the very spot where Anne and Catherine "lost their heads"....I am going to go to the Palace where King Henry VIII lived, to where every king and Queen since William the Conqueror has had their coronation....I am going to take in every sight, drive Rebecca crazy taking pictures and make memories that will last a lifetime...yes, mother!!.....if you can read this, you will be thrilled with me...thanks for making it happen and yes, I will make memories...just like you always told me to.

So, I leave later this week, but once I get there, I hope to blog and share what I saw and how I felt.....unless I am exhausted!! :) We will see. London, England....here I come!

A Beautiful Day

2010-03-10T08:40:00.004-05:00

I need to blog more...I intend to blog more when Korie has her surgery. Today is supposed to be sunny and 65 degrees!! Yay! It has been a long, "colder than usual" winter for Virginia...a SOUTHERN state!

I thought that today perhaps, I would write on the beauty of the birds gathering at my feeder, or maybe the feel of the warmeth on my face, or perhaps even the daffodils that are peeking up in my front yard. I changed my desktop from the Ohio State snowman to a spring picture that I took last spring in my neighborhood...I will enclose that picture just because it is SO beautiful.

But, as I did my reading this morning, I studied about the purpose of my life ....which turned my thoughts a little deeper this morning.....why did God create me and what does He have planned for me? One of His plans is for me to be like HIM. And Matthew, the tax collecter (of all people) lol, said that when Jesus saw a large crowd gathered, He had compassion on them. (Matt. 14:14). This Greek word used for compassion, is splanchnizomai which means "study of the....gut" (in our terms). So, when Jesus saw this crowd, His compassion wasn't just a little pity party, where one feels sorry for another in passing, but Jesus felt their hurt right in His gut! He felt the loss of the grieving, He felt the limp of the crippled, He felt the loneliness of the town leper, He felt the confusion of the teenager....you get the idea. He was so into their hurt, that His own needs or desires were put on the backburner. How often do I do that myself??

That gave me pause to think. What hurting people are in my small world? Who do I see in my church that is struggling, in my neighborhood, in my circle of people I see daily...or weekly or monthly? Do I take time to notice them? I am a busy person...we all are busy these days. TOO busy! If I am to be like Him, I need to take time out of my wants and needs and look to others. It was Christ's prayer request at the end of Matthew 9 for people to go out and find the hurting. Whether that is to a hurt believer or to someone who doesn't know Him yet....am I on the lookout for those He puts in my path? My "mission" for this day? His purpose for me?

Yes, it is beautiful out today....Kristin comes home in 2 days, this is my first day at home in 2 weeks, there are many things to write about....but instead...I think I will just ponder for awhile and pray that my eyes are open to what's in front of me....so that I won't miss it!!!

Fletcher Look-alike Meter

2010-02-05T10:34:00.001-05:00

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs - Collage - Morph

Fletcher Look-alike Meter

2010-02-05T10:20:00.001-05:00

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Notes from Beth Moore Simulcast Aug 28 and 29, 2009

2009-08-30T21:06:00.002-04:00

Psalm 37
History/Background
David's wrote this psalm...think of his personal history and all he had been through as a shepherd, in the caves running from Saul, tall that happened as he became King, his sin, and then becoming a man after God's heart....He wrote this psalm toward the end of his life (vs 25...I have been young but now I am old) and he summed up everything by saying...God can be trusted....and David had never seen the righteous forsaken.

Key verse-Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Beth had us take a few minutes to think about our desires.
There are 7 facts about this verse.

#1 Nothing dictates our lives like our desires.
At the end of the day-people do what they want to do...

So what are OUR desires? Did you notice the verse doesn't say...He will give you the desire of your heart...but it is plural...the DESIRES of your heart!

Psa 38:9 says All my longings lie open before you, O Lord, my sighing is not hidden from You.

God knows what they are....we can be open with Him. Don't give up on your desires.

What is a legitimate desire? A sustained longing unaffected by moods or circumstances. (think about that for a minute)

In today's world, we are used to our desires being met immediately....Most of the time, God's work is slow...He doesn't work within time limits...This is where she said...Don't give up on your desire!!!

Here she went to the audience and had some people share..one lady has been praying for something for 25 years...Beth hugged her and said...Don't stop praying!!!

#2 Beneath the desires of our heart is the heart of our desires.
This was kind of hard to grasp but I will try my best.....
What do we truly desire? Then look underneath THAT....God is after what we TRULY desire underneath that....her example...if you wish your husband was a more godly man and you think about it all the time...maybe what you truly want is to be a more godly woman in your own life.....that was a shallow example and to be honest, we all talked about it later wondering if we understood what she meant...
Most times, our desires are a hint of what really lies underneath in our deepest self and is far more important than what we THINK we want....God wants to get under there...to the meat of what we need and want...

Here is where she starting talking about unanswered prayer...she asked...have you prayed about something and you KNOW it is God's will and you wonder why He has not answered....if we have prayed and God has not answered over time...you can be assured that something is UP! Reasons you may still be waiting...
For us....our destiny may be at stake......
For God...His glory may be at stake.....

This struck me.....If God isn't answering...in the absence of the answer...what is PRESENT? Or you can say it this way....What is present in the absence of the answer?
God has SOMETHING there...He has not forsaken us..He has not forgotten us...we are not alone....
What we are lacking will be used for our destiny...for every desire implies something we lack...and God is always sowing, reaping or harvesting...He esteems our longings...Wait a little longer....Don't give up on Him! See what is happening as you wait.

#3 Delighting in God adapts our desires with inevitability.
This is where the promise of verse 4 comes in....Delight yourself in the Lord and HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.
It's inevitable..it's a promise. We adapt or we adjust....We come to desire what He is truly after in our lives...we find out true heart's desires...and He will answer.
Psa. 37:23, 24 If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall for the Lord upholds him with his right hand.
The Lord delights in us and we in Him. We should pray DAILY..."Give me a heart that delights in You." Beth prays it every morning.
We think to ourselves, "How can I delight in a world gone mad"? But God sees ALL the madness in the world...alll the burdens...but He looks down and sees a mom teaching her little one a bible song...and God delights...He sees a little girl writing her prayers down in a journal and He delights...He sees an older couple still in love and He delights...When He sees a woman, so hurt by life that she can't bear to hope again....too hurt to trust God one more time...but she gives her trust to Him anyway....He delights in her. He delights in us.

Circumstances may not change but we can! Look for God events in your life...a discovery that changes the way you look at life.

#4 Nothing external can steal our delight.

Other people don't have the right to steal our delight but we give that right to them. Don't!! If our delight is gone...look to yourself.
If we are going through a season of a lack of delight or joy...look inward, not at others.

There are three things that steal our delight...and the word "steal" here means to take a bit out of....so she thought of our jaw..which bites..to help us remember what steals our joy.

J Jealousy Psalm 37:1
A Anger Psalm 37:8
W Worry Psalm 37:1, 7, 8 (Fret)

Jealousy- We can be jealous of the wicked who seem to prosper and in other people who excel or have what we want. Jealousy comes from a lack of security. It's a from of desire tinged with resentment.
You can't give way to jealousy and feel delight.

Anger-What are you mad about?
Those who have no control use anger and most of the time it DOES work.....but it doesn't bring you love (which is what is most needed) and it distances others from you. Anger NEVER works in a relationship.

Anger is the opposite of pleasure.
Anger and Pleasure are both powerful and strong but complete opposites. Anger steals and malforms our desires...an angry person doesn't even really know their desires.

Some have such a lack of passion that they'd rather be MAD then DEAD...then they are at least feeling SOMETHING. We are created for a holy passion. If we don't have a holy passion, we will subsitute something else for it.

Anger can also have an element of grief in it. Grief is a type of loss. In most anger there is an element of sadness but there is more control for that person to be mad, rather than sad.

If you are angry...speak your peace to God about it....get it all out and then get up and get on with things.

Worry-the word "worry" or "fret" means to eat or gnaw into...or to affect something by gnawing it to death...but it doesn't change it.
We don't really, truly have a lot of control in our life...we only have an illusion of control. But if we are worriers, then we won't know our true desires because we want everything to be fixed for our happiness.......

When we are in a crisis of faith there are two extreme ways we'll default. (mostly having to do with your personality)

Repression-------------------------------------------------------------Rebellion
Repression will make you sick Rebellion will make you stupid in what you do &say

We have to be real....don't keep things inside We have to be to be reverent-He's God

#5 To make room for delight, we've got to commit.

37:8 Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this...

In Hebrew the word COMMIT means to "roll". We ROLL it on to God's shoulders...

Take what makes you jealous, makes you angry or makes you worry and ROLL it on to His shoulders...we need to STOP our unbelief and commit to Him.

#6 Nothing is passive about patiently waiting for our desire to turn into delight.

The Hebrew word for wait is not passive...it means to press into.

Beth gave two testimonies here...she asked if we remember her talking about a close family member who was an alcoholic...they lost everything..their home, their family, they had nothing...lived on the streets for YEARS...they felt unloved even though they were loved by family.....they were alcoholics for DECADES...and Beth had been praying all these years...and never gave up....as of Saturday, this person had been sober for 140 days! What if they had stopped praying..though it had been too long....that nothing would every change....but it did.

The other one was about her husband...I remember she has said a couple of times that she wished her husband cared more for spiritual things...she has prayed for Keith to be a lover of God's word for 30 years....she had tried to his "holy spirit" and had left verses around and done all she could do but nothing happened....until a year ago...out all of the sudden he dived into God's word and is everything she has always wanted....but it took 30 years! Don't give up! We need to get out of the way and let God.

Psalm 37:7 Be still.... the word "refrain" in vs 8 means the same thing....it means "Stop it!! Have you ever gotten down to your little one's level, looked them in the eye and said...."Stop it!! That's what this meants...Be silent. Hold your peace. Sometime we are begging and pleading with God and he says.....Stop talking! Be silent...Stop it!!!! Sometimes we are all talk and not hearing!

37:7 wait patiently....(this means in anxious expectation)
The hebrew word is Chiyl...means to twist or twirl....like when you stub your toe and you are dancing around...twisting about in pain...but as you jump in pain...you yell...I am trusting you anyway God! When we are in pain...trust.

Prov 25:27 (from The Message) says...glory piled upon glory is not good for you.
It's like with our kids...if everything goes right with them all the time...you pray they win that game, they never lose, they never get sick, they always come out on top...then they won't learn what they need to learn....they won't be a person of character or have strength through difficult times....so Beth prays for her kids and grandkids....protect them from Evil but not from your Glory....whatever they have to go through for God's glory..she wants for them...same for us...we sometimes go through difficulties for God's glory.

#7 Til Faith becomes sight, trust God and do good.

Faith WILL be sight! For "none that put their trust in Him will be put to shame".

When we look at God with our eyes some day...we will wonder why we didn't pray bigger, trust more!

Psa 37:3 Trust in the Lord and do good.

It doesn't say trust in the Lord and do RIGHT. It says do good.
In our world, good is despised. Doing good accomplishes nothing but doing good even makes evil take note. The world despises us for being good but it can't say anything when we do good.

vs 3 says "dwell in the land" Someday, Jesus will reign...until then live where He has put you now.

"enjoy safe pasture" Feed off His faithfulness!!

College-Sophomore Year

2009-08-21T13:12:00.005-04:00

So I am sitting here at my computer in the kitchen and Kristin is sitting on the couch. We are waiting for her grandmother to come and stay with Korie so we can pick up Steve and take Kristin back to school. It is kind of weird just sitting around waiting....waiting for a moment that I have dreaded all the way back from May, when she came home after a long 9 months away from us for the first time.

This separation stuff stinks! Only yesterday it seemed so far away that it was ridiculous to even think about. I remember thinking as she went to middle school that we still had years ahead. But I did start realizing when she got to high school that the time goes fast as I watched the girls that Steve coach move through the varsity teams so quickly...as I watched the youngest players become the leaders and the swing players become the captains and we watched them graduate and wondered where the time had gone.

Then it was our turn. The ball seasons changed like trees did in their seasons and soon I was watching her go from the swing player to leader of the teams and I watched her go on her senior trip and graduate....and then it was time for her to go....I have friends who's children struggled with leaving and cried not wanting to go back to college and so I am thankful that Kristin loves school and being in Lynchburg. In some ways, it really hurts that she is so ready to go back to her life at LU and in other ways, I am proud of her and excited for her.

So....as I write this...more time has passed and we will soon put the last few items in the van, we'll kiss Korie goodbye and start driving away from the coast. We will be in our normal "travel" mode, with Steve listening to the radio and Kristin sleeping and me reading but all of us know this isn't the normal trip. In a few short hours, we will drag all her stuff up 3 flights of stairs, watch her hug her friends that she has missed, texted and facebooked all summer and Steve and I will put smiles on our faces and act like everything is just fine. When it is time to say goodbye, we will know she is happy to go off and catch up with everyone, and we will be happy for her as we try to hide the tears and start the long trip home alone....there will be some tears and sighs but deep down, we are happy she is taking this next step, thrilled to leave her in a place like Liberty, excited to see her grow in Christ, ready to pray her through every day and already looking forward to fall break...which is six weeks and five days away......

My Sister's Keeper

2009-08-19T13:55:00.007-04:00

I read some things today in a book....the movie "My Sister's Keeper" hit a little too close to home and so I bought the book to read. Korie doesn't have a terminal illness, although, it is a very chronic and dangerous illness with many unknowns in it. We live in uncertainity just as this family in the movie did...wondering if their child would live or die. I have been told twice that Korie was dying and both times, God determined different. I also have another child who has lived through very difficult times with her sisters illnesses and watching the siblings in this movie, made me think of how well Kristin handles things in our family. I also see in her eyes, how dread and fear can enter so quickly, as it can with me. And ocassionally she will offer a comment that causes me to realize that there is a lot there under the surface lying dormat. I hope that in her journeys, she comes to rely on the Lord to help her through those times and that she can live in confidence and trust that we are all in God's Hands.

Saying that, doesn't mean that I live like that every day. Most times, yes...but in a split second, I can fall. I am improving though...the first time, when all this happened, I didn't get up for two years....I don't want to say that I am SO much better now because I certainly don't want to be tested in that...but I feel like my faith has strengthened over the years and I hope I can keep trusting Him.

This family in the book, the Fitzgeralds, don't seem to be believers, so in much of the book, I can see how I would react a little differently but I must admit, as much as I did not like the mom (Sara) in the movie, I am relating to her in the book. Here is the statement she made that borders close to how I can feel...and I am sure I will be blogging more of them....

"Driving home, I am struck by the sudden thought that the world is inflatable--trees and grass and houses ready to collapse with the single prick of a pin. I have the sense that if I veer the car to the left, through the picket fence and the Little Tykes playgroud, it will bounce us back like a rubber bumper."

Of course, as I christian, we say that God has everything in His hands and and that the things of this life ARE temporal but our lives are eternal. That is the sad part. So many people don't realize that. But, when you are hit with a serious illness in your family, thoughts like this pop into your head. And Sara is right, life, as you know it, can be gone tomorrow....or even today.

Reading Anna's part (the sister), I think of Kristin and how she grew up...Ann says, "My parents tried to make things normal, but that's a relative term. The truth is, I was never really a kid. To be honest, neither were Kate and Jesse.....we have been too busy looking over our shoulders to run headlong into growing up. You know how most little kids think they're like cartoon characters-if an anvil drops on their heads they can peel themselves off the sidewalk and keep going? Well, I never once believed that. How could I, when we practically set a place for Death at the dinner table? Kate has acute promyelocytic leukemia. Acutally, that is not quite true, right now she doesn't have it, but it's hibernating under her skin like a bear, until it decides to roar again.....(she mentioned a different set of medical words here..different than OUR medical words but Kris knows them)...these words are a part of my vocabulary, even though I'll never find them on any SAT."

Anna's thoughts make me wonder what kind of things go through Kristin's head that she has never shared with us. Also, Anna has insight to the things Sara does or says...it makes me wonder if Kristin has that about me. Of course, Kristin is not a pin cushion as Anna is in this book, so maybe they don't even relate to each other but it sure does make me think.

One more thing....this is long but this scene has "played out" in our house numerous times...a little differently but the same....Anna is seeing her mother try on party dresses in her room...."Mom, you look...., tired. The word bubbles right under my lips. My mother goes perfectly still, and I wonder if I've said it without meaning to. She holds up a hand, shushing me, her ear cocked to the open doorway..."Did you hear that?"
Hear what?
Kate
I didn't hear anything.
But she doesn't take my word for it, because when it comes to Kate she doesn't take anybody's word for it. She marches upstairs and open up our bedroom door to find my sister hysterical on her bed, and just like that the world collapses again. My father, a closet astronomer, has tried to explain black holes to me, how they are so heavy they absorb everything, even light, right into their center. Moments like this are the same kind of vacuum; no matter what you cling to, you wind up being sucked in. (I will skip all the part about Kate being fine...she was just upset about a TV show but what Anna just said is so true)....She continues...."The fist inside me relaxes, now that I know it's all right. Normal, in our house, is like a blanket too short for a bed....sometimes it covers you just fine, and at other times it leaves you cold and shaking; and worst of all, you never know which of the two it's going to be. I sit down on the end of Kate's bed...."

That is it....the uncertainty...that is the hardest thing of all...the not knowing if today you will face something life altering or life threatening. The blanket analogy is good...I do feel that way often...but in reality, the blanket of God is always there to warm me and comfort me if I turn to it. I may have to face something tragic someday...maybe something not even related to Korie...we all do...but the blanket will always be waiting for me if I accept it.....and I can cling to Him in whatever I have to face....I also rely on the blanket of prayer of my dear friends and hope to be the same for them. We are all touched by our own testings and trials. We all need each other. We can't always understand what the other is going through. Maybe a few words on a blog will help. Thanks for listening...I am sure I will have more to say about the Fitzgeralds.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15

Family Night Out

2009-08-19T13:12:00.008-04:00

So, last night we did our now annual "out to dinner before Kris goes to college." It had been a difficult week and we did not know if we would manage to go.

First of all, with the water damage caused by the settling of our patio, Steve had been working (I am talking hard labor here) daily...in 90 degree weather....breaking up concrete, digging holes, moving dirt, hauling gravel....and then he had his master's final in the evenings to work on. Along with everything else life entails, he has been a very busy, and now very tired and stressed person. We are thankful for friends who did help him the last day and Paul...I can't being to use words to describe that wonderful man! ANYWAY.....

On the kid front---Korie has a cracked tibia...that meant a few trips to Richmond and a boot that she is wearing that makes transitions fun. :) Then she has a UTI and contacted a virus and is on day 5 of a fever. Kristin was down two days with something similiar. SOOOOO...our dinner was looking doubtful but God gave strength to both girls and Steve yesterday and we were able to enjoy a nice evening out.

We wanted to try the Carrot Tree in Williamsburg but found out it is closed on Tuesdays. So Kristin chose Samauri...and we love Japanese. Usually, you have to share tables with strangers but we had perfect timing and had a table to ourselves. We had a great cook and he made amazing food....the girls ate a lot and really enjoyed it. Korie even ate shrimp! The yummy food, the oriental music and atmosphere (and a waitress who was a former student of Steves) made it a very nice evening.

After dinner, we headed over to City Center to take a few family pictures...also something we started last year along the Warwick River. The evening was warm but bareable with the lowering sun and I just watched my oldest daughter as much as I could while she was in here with us!

Once we got home, Kristin and I decided to go to a movie together and we enjoyed it And if you don't count a man who came in at the last minute (for a Chick Flick???), we had the theater to ourselves and could laugh at will. So, tomorrow we take her back to Lynchburg...and our lives will fall into the pattern of school days again, and long distance calls to see how she is doing and hoping she posts pictures on facebook so we can see what she is doing and who she is doing it with. Today I realized that we will go out for two more of these "Annual Family Dinners" before she will then be done....and then what will life bring our way? I have my own hopes and dreams but God's are the ones that count and I hope Kristin seeks for them with all her heart.

I made this for Steve for Father's Day

2009-06-19T23:13:00.001-04:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Kristin's First Year at LU

2009-05-20T00:59:00.000-04:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com
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Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Family Scrapbook

2009-03-16T10:23:00.001-04:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

A Top Ten Weekend!

2008-12-10T12:31:00.007-05:00

I just don't think there are words to describe this past weekend! First of all, if you aren't at least one of two things, it would be hard to "get it".....one, you have be a NASCAR fan...yeah..I know...I used to think that was crazy, too! But, then Korie and Victory Junction (and the Chappells) introduced it to us. We are very thankful for NASCAR...they have given Korie a lot of purpose to her weekends...lol....and introduced us to a wonderful place that means a lot to our family. The second thing you would need to understand is what it is like to have a handicapped child and the limitations and heartache that can go with it. Now, that's not ALL that goes with it...we are most blessed..but I would be less than honest if I didn't admit there are hard moments. I could never begin to explain the hard moments (some are obvious) but to give you an example of one that isn't (not complaining..just explaining) here it is....where do most young people Korie's age sit at sports games....up in the bleachers. Korie's seating arrangements are very limiting. She has no one to sit with at games except her parents. So even going to something fun can be a bit stressful when you are 16 and have no one to sit with...this is one example....but not the purpose for this blog...but you get the idea!

So, when you see your child facing the affects of her disease AND you have to see how she functions in the "normal" world...it isn't the easiest thing in the world. And we try not to be complainers...we understand the sacrifice it would take to be Korie's friend. Soooo....when we go to a place like Victory Junction....can you even imagine the joy it is to all of us?? Maybe not...but I wanted to explain it.....so I am going to try!!

The Korie Fletcher in Newport News, our home, is a lovely young lady who seems content and loves her family (especially her momma!!) lol She is always present but always on the outskirts...happiest at home where everything is accessible and she can be with her "things" and listen to her music. The Korie Fletcher in Randleman, North Carolina, hits the ground with a smile and with confidence....the hills ( and there are big ones) are not a problem...the doors are wide enough to roll through, the activites are made for her...she can do everyone of them...she never has to be an observer...she is a participant! She is free to dance to music and laugh. She is accepted there and is expected to be a part of everything. Everyone cheers everything everyone does. She NEVER stops smiling. She LEADS when we go somewhere instead of being a few steps behind. She looks forward to events and can't wait to be a part of it.

When we were there last month, I was going by myself to the cabins to meet Steve...I walked through the tree house and when I got inside, I fell to my knee and tried to stop the tears....my heart was overwhelmed with fullness with watching her all weekend. I didn't want to go home to the real world. I didn't want to go back to Korie being an observer. But I had a thankful heart...a grateful one to the Petty family. I wanted SO bad to talk to Pattie Petty, who helped start this camp in honor of her son, whom she lost in a wreck. What a testimony she had...turning something tragic into something like THIS!!! I longed to hug her and thank her. I couldn't get my mind off of it.

When we got the invitation to return to VJ for the Annual Christmas party, we decided to go this year. We had never gone because of distance, money and Kristin and Steve's games. This year, Kris was at college, Steve did have a game but could get a substitute coach and gas prices were more reasonable. We decided to go for it.

I have to admit we were both so tired and I had second thoughts. But I prayed (so many times) that God would make this trip worth it and asked Him if we could meet the Pettys. We had great fun...Santa, gifts, making donuts and Christmas ornaments, kickball, bingo, seeing famlilies we knew and had shared with, facepainting....so much going on...the kids were having so much fun...and then, there was Kyle Petty. Korie got pictures with him and we got to tell him how thankful we were and he was so humble and so nice. We didn't know for sure if he would be there, but next, we met and had pictures with Richard Petty!! What an honor and what a wonderful man he is!

We were getting ready to head home and stopped at the Barn. We did a few things there and decided to leave. As we left, right outside the door...was Pattie...all alone!! Our family had her to ourselves! I was so thankful! I hugged her at least 3 times and tried to explain how we felt..she was so humble, she waved us off and talked about all the people who had helped them and made it possbile. She spent a lot of time with us and WE left her...she didn't leave us. As we headed toward the van, I quietly thanked God and I couldn't stop the tears...not only because of all the fun Korie had or because we met such great people, but because God is so gracious to us. He answered my prayers and He did it in such a way, that all of us were overwhelmed and happy...Korie said it best on the way home that day...."I will never forget this day!"...neither will I, Korie. Neither will I! Thank you, Father...for blessing our family.....Korie is a blessing. The many ways You show Your love and care for us makes our cups overflow with thankfulness. I love you, Lord!!

Christmas Craziness

2008-12-02T08:57:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Christmas Fun

2008-12-02T08:49:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

What I am Thankful for/What is Important to Me in 2008

2008-11-20T22:00:00.008-05:00

My salvation, God's Word, Steve, Kristin, Korie, my home, my parents, Steve and Tom, music, Denbigh Baptist, the ocean, Bebe and Jim, the stars at night, Ohio State Sports, email, my dishwasher, my morning bible study group, Debbie, Autumn colors, forgiveness, choir practice, Rebecca, Diet Coke, Brookyn Tabernacle, FFF, Ladies Auxiliary, Korie's laugh, Washington DC, cell phones, my nieces and nephews, grace, birthdays, Glad Tidings Circle, New York City, when my whole family in Ohio is together, Steve's grilled chicken, Highest Praise, Spring, my memories of Kristin playing sports, Don, Victory Junction, foot rubs, lighthouses, sunny days, navy jets, sunsets, Grand Illumination, talks with Kristin, geneaology research, that I knew my grandmothers and great grandmothers, Joann, sitting around a fire, sleeping in, Sunday mornings, the Outer Banks, Lila, Camp Open Arms, ferry rides, Mexican food, taking pictures, trees, chocolate chip cookies, Carol, praising Him with music, Liberty U, Casting Crowns, Facebook, Chinese food, Lilacs, nights out with Steve, Gene, Amish country, Cincinnati, concerts, the sound of waves, reading a good book, singing harmony, Korie's hugs, the sounds of the city, our Christmas ornaments, Beth Moore, English history, the libraries, Christmas eve, singing, family day at our church, and the evenings all four of us are together.

Tough Days

2008-11-11T20:37:00.002-05:00

I have been struggling the past few days with several things...one has to do with the election and understanding why some people voted for someone like Obama but I know God is on the throne and there is no "Plan B" with Him...this is His will for us for whatever reasons...and I will eventually figure that out.

The other thing I am struggling with came about after our wonderful weekend at Victory Junction. Our family loves it there because Korie can participate in everything and we are a "normal family" there...which in this world, we are not normal and life is hard. I can deal with that...especially after this last weekend at VJ.I will try to explain...before, when attending VJ, we always went during Spina Bifida Weekend and it was a blessing as the families were like us and we could relate so perfectly with them. This past weekend, since Korie is older now, we went during Young Adult Neurological Weekend. The age was 16-24 and covered a variety of medical problems. WOW! Compared to what we saw there...we feel so blessed.

We met families whose children weren't able to communicate with them or show love, kids that were out of control and there was nothing the families could do...some were getting ready to institutionalize their children..a few because their lives would be easier and a few because they were almost beyond the point of being able to take care of their own children.During "Parent Chat", two families stuck out to me and broke my heart. As we shared about our own families, medical problems, etc, one grandmother, there with her 22 year old grandson, cried as she looked at the group of parents. She was amazed at the love shown for our children because, her son in law had left the familiy when her grandson was born...he couldn't take the stress of his son's problems...and this lady's own daughter had left the boy just a few years ago and went to California. This boy was alone in the world....his IQ wasn't low enough to get much government help and he was living in an "rest home" with older people because that was the only place she could get to take him. She was older...what would happen to this young man when she was gone...the only person in the world who cared anything about him? I can't stop thinking about them.

The other hit closer to home. This was a mom and step dad who dearly loved their daughter. Because of his job, they move all the time...they had no close family and very few friends. They could hardly get the words out...but their fear was..."who would take care of her when they were gone?" They were devestated thinking about it. They were heartbroken over the future.

It was hard for me to hear these things....Satan started his old tricks on me...making me wonder about God's goodness and the "fairness" to these children to be in their condition and how hard life can be sometimes. Oh, the battle my mind can go through, as some of these fears are my own at times. I have prayed and struggled to stay above ground the past few days and remember the trust and faith I have in God....knowing He is there and He has a plan.I had to go to Rite Aid tonight to get Korie's medicine...after a long day and a frustrating day, I wasn't too happy about it and those old thoughts starting haunting me again. I go EVERYWHERE with KLove on and God gave me a song that comforted my heart. I had never heard it before or if I had, hadn't paid attention to the words...they were like God was answering my questions...here they are.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings,
and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end,

His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more,
we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace He brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day
where the very One I’ve lived for always
will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery
this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more,
we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the tears,
He’ll wipe away the tears,
He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day

Me again...I am sure I will have days I struggle again...but the truths of His word, can give all of us strength to keep going...even when things seem so difficult. I can't wait until all these trials are over and Jesus makes EVERYTHING right.

Learning from Your Daughter

2008-11-07T09:41:00.003-05:00

Well, a precious young lady at my church informed me that I need to write on my blog more...so in honor of her, I write this story...one that I need to tell anyway.

Korie had seen her Neurologist and bloodwork was ordered. Having your blood drawn isn't fun for anyone, but especially Korie. Her veins are so tiny that it is almost impossible to "stick" her successfully. Every technician always thinks they are the ONE person who can do it and we usually have quite a traumatic experience before someone in the office is successful.

This visit was no different. We gave the first lady two tries and she called in another woman for help. Korie had been very patient and brave. Three vials of blood were suppose to be drawn and so far, not even one was halfway filled after the second try. While the new technician was sticking Korie in a very tender place near her wrist, I heard Korie "saying" something to herself under her breath. I leaned down and asked her what she was saying. She answered, " I am singing 'Number 8' on my favorite CD."

I smiled because she always refers to songs by their number on the cds. I helped her remember a little of the chorus but I wasn't sure exactly what all the words were. So, when I got home, I looked them up. I was amazed....here is the chorus:

I know You're there, I know You see me
You're the air I breathe
You are the ground beneath me
I know You're there, I know You hear me
I can find you anywhere

I know You're there
I know You're there, You're there.

WOW! All I could think was that when I go through difficult times, one of my first thoughts is "Why me? Why did God allow this to happen?" From my daughter, I learned my first thought should be "God, I know You're there!" TRUST! Simple trust. I am blessed.

A Surprise

2008-08-15T14:15:00.005-04:00

I love the Olympics. I even watched it when I was little and had dreams of being a swimmer! I loved the water. Even when my kids were little, I watched the Olympics and one of my fondest memories is of Kristin watching the gymnastics and trying to perform the routines in front of the television. It was so funny and we have it on video. She was a riot. As she got older, she was my Olympic watching buddy. So, when she went to college during these 2008 Olympics, that was just another reason to be a little sad.

But, God had a nice surprise for me....someone else in our household is an Olympic fan and I never knew it!! My Korie!! She loves it so much, she watches it on channel 25 during the day...she watches water polo, canoeing, badmitton, you name it...and she comes out and gives me reports. She is up with me till the end during Prime Time and we cheer the US on together. It has been a nice surprise and I have really enjoyed it. I think God knew I needed that...and Korie probably did as well. So, tonight we will watch Michael Phelps tie Mark Spitz record (yes, I watched Mark get those 7 medals...why do you think I wanted to swim in the Olympics??) and we will watch the first night of track and field. We will cheer together and give high fives.....and life will go on and it will still be good!!

2008-08-14T20:51:00.002-04:00

I didn't write about our visit to the Melting Pot...it was such a good evening...I don't think I will ever forget how much fun we all had! We had never been before and they bring out pots of cheeses for appetizers and then a dip for meats and veggies and 2 pots of chocolate for desserts...it was so good! But I think that the best part was that the whole process took 2 hours and it was fun to sit and talk and laugh as we ate.

On the way home, we decided to go watch the sunset at the end of Denbigh Blvd. Not only was the sky beautiful but the weather was perfect. There were some boats coming in a little boy trying to catch tadpoles and some fishermen on the deck....a lovely evening. We took pictures of each other and just sat and took it all in....not only what was going on around us, but what was going on IN us....we know our days of the simple pleasures are ending as FOUR of us. Our experiences will be different but I hope we take joy in sharing with each other and making the times we ARE together more special. God has been good to us as a family. We have been through a lot together and we have survived through HIM. It has made us stronger and made us closer. We are blessed.

Five Days and Counting

2008-08-06T19:22:00.001-04:00

I have decided to write on this blog more often but we will see how it goes. Today, I got to sleep in, which felt really good. I may go the doctor tomorrow as I am suspecting a sinus infection. I worked on washing Kristin's clothes up so we can start packing tomorrow. Can you believe that! Packing! For her to leave....

Steve and I went out and ate lunch together and saw Swing Vote, which was good. Kristin spent the afternoon with Korie...as kind of a "last time out" together before she leaves. She took Korie to therapy, went to the mall for lunch and shopped a little bit. Korie enjoyed it.

Back to Kris leaving....I wish she could spend every minute she has left here with us but she has all these "last things" to do with others. And those things are good but I am getting really selfish with our time but trying to understand that I would do the same things if I were her. Tonight is her last time at youth group and I am sure they will do something afterwards.

Tomorrow night we are going out as a family to the Melting Pot. That will be fun and I am looking forward to it.

Twice during the last week, I have been with friends and their very young children. It has brought enjoyment to see them interact with their kids and be around them. But both times, I couldn't help be a little jealous of the time they still have with their kids. Years stretching ahead and special moments to share. Sometimes I wish I had those years again...there are a lot of things I would do different. But again, would I? I admit the years when Kris was small were difficult with all we were going through with Korie. I often feel I didn't do that great job at the beginning of Kristin's life because I could hardly function just to get through a day myself. I am having to trust on God, to pick up on where we let her down and for Him to sustain her...and us, too...as we say goodbye in a few short days.

So, even though tears are right behind the surface, I hug her tight every night, knowing there are very few nights left where I can actually touch her and tell her good night.

Thoughts running on and on in my head

2008-07-18T14:45:00.002-04:00

I decided I need to write this down or go crazy! I have been thinking about it for a week now. Steve and Kristin are working at Camp Open Arms....I love it there...before I had my girls, I was a counselor there. I loved it. It reminded me of the kids I worked with for 10 years in the projects of downtown Columbus. It was my heart..I loved those kids. Camp Open Arms was the same for me...working with kids from hopeless situations...telling them about a Hope they can have and a Savior.

The other day, I visited there with Korie. A picture came to my head...of what it could have been like if things were different for us....Steve still leading the activities, me helping with music and being a counselor. Kristin..a counselor, like she is now...and Korie watching the Defriese kids one more year before she became a counselor, too...our whole family...two weeks of ministry together....it was like a dream.

When you have a child with a disability, that child lives on but something dies...in the parent's heart. A death of a dream...of how you always dreamed things would be. You would think that after a while, that would go away and you would settle into reality and be accepting...and...most days..that is true. Sometimes it takes lots of trust...but it's true. But then, when you least expect it....something pops in your head and reminds you...of those dreams you thought were gone...you see the kids at church her age going on mission trips, you understand you would have two more years of watching sports at Denbigh instead of being done now...I could go on. But it is useless to share everything that I think sometimes...

But then I see where God prepared me for these thoughts..He knew they would be there. He sent me to a conference just a few days before camp where He was preparing me ahead of time for answers to the questions I would have. For that I am thankful.

He told me there are ways to heal...one is to grieve your sorrow...so where before I felt guilty for even having these thoughts, I now can take comfort in the fact that I can grieve...I just can't stay there. Ungrieved losses control us...so if I don't grieve, I will become something less than His plan for me.

I also learned to embrace the reality of life. Jer. 6:14 says you can't heal a wound by denying it. Embracing reality requires courage. I don't always have that courage and I sometimes believe others think I am strong, but I know that I am not. So I need to ask for help when I need it. And I need to live every day in God's grace. He will not waste my pain and suffering. The weaker I am, the better candidate I am for God to use me. These are things He gave me to help me though this week.

He also gave me a personal message that He has not forgotten me. Sometimes I feel forgotten. I don't know if others have any idea of what our lives are like. Steve and I often talk about how we are the only ones who REALLY know. I feel sometimes I just suffer alone. I know that is self pity. And most times, I can fight it. But the days and the nights that I can't, I can know that God has not forgotten me. He is there with everything I need for life. And when I fail, I must remember that sometimes my failures can bring God the greatest joy, if I learn from them.

And the last thing I learned (He was really preparing me and I had no clue!!), was to ask myself some questions.......Am I passionate toward my responsibility? (Korie and being her mom). My responsibilty is a PRIVILAGE!! I need to be diligent in my work! Yes, it is a lot of work caring for someone and it is the same work day in and day out and I get tired and I get down...but I need to look at it as doing it for GOD. And it helps that Korie is a blessing and so loving and so grateful...in this I am so blessed. I know others in her condition who are bitter and angry and I don't have to deal with that...but if I did, I would have the grace and the help I need from Him. The other question was: Do I look beyond my discomfort and at my privilage? And lastly, do I enter my day with purposed vigor? All good questions that I have been asking myself.

SO...all that to say, God is still working on me. Some days and some situations bring pain and reminders of how things COULD be but God reminds me of how things ARE and how blessed I am.

I DO know this...no other mother in the whole world ever had a daughter who loved her more. I am above all women, blessed, to be Korie's mom. I wouldn't change that for ANYTHING.

But, I do love God and how He knows what we need and when we are going to need it. So, I will probably still have some of those thoughts come to mind here and there this next week, but I am going to ask myself those questions and try to be faithful in what He has called me to do.

It Must Be Grace...Awesome words to a song

2008-07-17T16:38:00.002-04:00

How could One, One such as You be longing for me?
What would I, I have to give that You'd ever need?
Why, no matter how far I run, do You pursue me?
Why, when I fall time after time do You still love me?
What could make You love me?

I, I don't understand what it is You see in the heart of someone like me
When I let You down but You still believe
And prove Your love time and again and again
All I can say is it must be grace.

You know me, my wretched heart longs to be free
You heal me with only a touch, how can that be?
Tears falling like rain on this dry and weary soul
Flooding my heart with a love that will never let go.

I, I don't understand what it is You see in the heart of someone like me
When I let You down but You still believe
And prove Your love time and again and again
All I can say is it must be grace

You're so holy and offer to me...grace.

My daughter is a graduate

2008-05-28T12:55:00.004-04:00

Wow. It was hard to even write that! I was sad all the way up to that day. In fact, I have been downright teary eyed during Kristin's entire senior year. But, I did fine on the actual day. I decided that I was going to enjoy each moment and I was actually able to do that. I had prayed weeks in advance that her graduation would be something really special to us. Something that we would always remember. I asked God to look upon that day with favor. And He did! He answered my prayer.

We were able to share it with family. We all enjoyed being together and working together. They were a great help during our party and everyone just had fun being together. God also blessed us with GREAT weather. I had prayed specifically about this. We had a sunny, 70 degree day with no humidity, blue skies and fluffly clouds. It made a wonderful day for a party in our backyard. The coverings we put up and the green grass and blooming roses, were the perfect backdrop for a get together.

We had a good time with Eman's family. We went to each other's parties and we able to share in the great relationship that Kristin and Emmnanuel have had in the past 2 years.

My favorite thing about this weekend...I guess one of my favorites..there were so many, was Kristin getting Miss Denbigh. I would have been fine if she hadn't. In fact, I didn't even expect it. She is a great girl and she has tried hard to be a friend to all and not get into the drama and to serve God during her high school days. For her to be recognized for her good character and love for God, was a blessing to this mom's heart! I was overjoyed.

There have been many times, that I wish I could start over in raising Kristin. Most of her early years were difficult because of all our family was going through with Korie, her disabilites and 15 surgeries. I often felt like Kristin didn't get the attention from me that she should have. Those days were dark days. I know I was often scared and just not where I needed to be as a mom. I have carried this guilt with me for many years.

It is good to know that God blessed my intentions and blessed what efforts I made into her life. That is totally Him and not me. I failed in many ways. It is good to know that many people were a part of who Kristin is today. I can think of so many who were a part of her life and in being so, were a part of her gaining this wonderful recognition. I know I will fail to mention the names of all who were a part...so I will just be general and say that those who influenced her were: her sister, who taught Kristin compassion and love, her extended family who didn't judge her but loved her, her teachers, who taught her there was more to life than learning, her coaches, who taught her there was more to life than winning and how to not work --as an individual--but as a team. There was also her friends, whom she picked and picked well, her Pastor, her Sunday School teachers and youth workers who taught her how that God is the center of her life, and various family friends who gave her the chance to minister, to challenge her and to encourage her. She is a blessed young lady.

Now, she is done with high school. Here is what I will miss about her being in school: Riding into school with her dad, seeing her bring the ball down the court and shooting a runner, setting the ball to her teammates, her kneeling in front of her bed doing her homework (she had a desk but that's what she did!), talking on her cell phone at night, seeing her uniform drying on a hanger, seeing her with her friends, hearing her sing in choir, listening to her laugh when with her teammates, sitting with Eman in chapel, and just being around.

I am happy she is going to college. I will miss her. I know things will be different now. I enjoy some aspects of this. I like seeing her work and make money on her own, I like seeing her on the phone trying to make plans with friends and seeing in her in her bedroom. I know all this is about to change. She will make new friends, sleep in another bed, call ME on the phone because she is not here.

But that is the circle of life. It was done before I had children, and it will continue. And so, I will determine again to enjoy each moment and pray that God will give me strength for each season of life. I hope Kristin has a good life, one that pleases God and one that counts for eternity.

Yes, this was a big weekend! One for the memory books! I loved it. It was good!

Last Normal Day?

2008-05-21T14:31:00.005-04:00

Well, today may seem like any other day, but it really isn't. Today is Wednesday, May 21, 2008. Everyone woke up this morning and got ready for school. Korie went to Gildersleeve and Steve and Kristin to Denbigh Baptist. It was only a half day, so already the day is different.

But what really makes this day different from any others, is that is is our LAST normal day. Tomorrow, we will wake up and go to the same places one more time but family from Ohio will start arriving. So the four of us won't be alone again. Then, on Friday, Kristin will graduate and leave high school. Things won't be the same after that. Kris will be working this summer and leaving for Lynchburg in August, Steve will be going to DBCS alone and not coaching. Korie will be going to high school. We will have a new normal.

It won't be a bad normal, but it won't be what we have had for the past 13 years. So today was the last "normal" day. From here on out, life will be different..it will be new...it will be good...but it won't be today. Today is over in a few hours and as the sun goes down, so does this chapter in our lives. So, I am holding on tight and enjoying the weekend. Holding on to each moment and storing it somewhere so I can pull it out again and remember.......

Kristin's Senior Year in Pictures

2008-04-28T15:51:00.002-04:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Senior Night (pics by Wes Poole)

2008-02-27T22:46:00.001-05:00

Two Year Old Blog!

2007-11-25T23:42:00.000-05:00

Well, I have had this blog for 2 years now! My first entry was November 28, 2005. I listed all the things I was thankful for. I am going to do that again.

I am thankful for my husband who is the best partner I could have in life. Kristin-my first baby who is growing up and will leave soon. I can't believe it is almost time. She is beautiful, talented and funny and an interesting person! Korie is the sweetest person in the world and she teaches me something about life every day.

I am thankful for my home, my church/school family who are showing their love for us by helping us purchase a van...Highest Praise and how we support each other and love each other. For email to keep in touch with mom, Tom and Steve and my old friends. For Ohio State sports..I have watched, enjoyed and loved the basketball and football program since I can remember. For the FFF Forum and the new friends I have made there. For the gift of music and the joy that it brings me and how it allows me a way to praise God.

For family who accepts me and loves me...my two brothers are the best brothers I could have. For the legacy that I have through my parents and my ancestors. I am thankful for my dishwasher, washer and dryer and oven...I don't take them for granted! For my eyesight and for hearing and the ability to walk where I need to go. For doctors and specialists who kept Korie with us and continue to care for her. For shunts and wheelchairs and catheters to make life better. For laughter and family time...for dinners and holidays.

For my pastor and for the women in my life that I look up to and teach me.....Bebe, Chris, and Elsie. For Beth Moore who gave me a love for the bible. For the men who have taught me the bible to help me grow...David Wilson, Billy Graham, Lee Roberson, and Jim Cymbla. I am thankful for bodies of water because when I am near them, not only do I delight in their beauty but I find peace of mind. For my Bible Study ladies and the joy we take in spending time together learning God's word. For my three friends...of which I am four...you know who you are. What a ride! For my new neighbor and very good friend, Rebecca and the encouragement she is to me. To my circle ladies who have always been there for me and who I know I can trust.

For the contentment I have found in Christ. I know that I don't have to perform or be a certain way or look a certain way or work myself to death in order for Him to love me or accept me. He cares about me and my relationship to Him and He wants me to be closer to Him. That has brought me more joy and peace than I could ever imagine.

For the stars that are always in the sky...I love them so much. For the color of leaves in fall...I drive around just to look at you. And for sunshine that gleams off of the water. For the sound of the soldiers on Mulberry Island as they practice defending us and the sound of the fighter jets going over my house. For the men and women who allow their loved ones to leave them and go overseas to protect the USA. Many are gone over a year...I can't imagine. For the ones they leave behind and the courage they show me.

For special days...I love fireworks on the 4th, the Grand Illumination at Christmas and the lights on homes, for the bands that play on Memorial Day and the day of singing how Christ Arose. I love those things. I love watching my daughter play team ball...she is such a team player and she is so good. I wonder how someone who belongs to me can be so talented. I love how she plays with her whole heart and takes it so serious. I love to hear Korie belly laugh..there is no greater sound in the world. I love it when the 4 of us are sitting at our table eating together. I love it when the 4 of us are in our van going somewhere together...just us. I love it when Kris is in the kitchen helping me clean up. I love it when she comes over and puts her arms around me. I am thankful for Victory Junction and how we feel like a normal family there. How Korie looks there because she never stops smiling and she knows she is loved and accepted. I love how she LOVES NASCAR because it has made such a difference in her life.

I am thankful when Steve comes home from work and his day has been good but he is thankful to be home. We are all there together. It is peaceful and quiet. I also love being home alone and listening to the quietness. But I don't want it to stay that way!

I am thankful for poetry, newspapers, cds, cell phones, libraries, choirs, concerts, gum, pizza, chinese and mexican food, baths, lotions, jokes, and a good movie. I am thankful I have made it to my age but I don't relish getting older but it is better than the alternative so I am thankful for each day. My life is a blessings. Thank you God...most of all...for YOU!!! I love you!

Halloween 2007

2007-11-01T02:31:00.001-04:00

Photobucket Album

The Youth Group had their Annual Costume Party this Wednesday which happened to be Halloween!! Kristin dressed up with Beka to come as a football player and cheerleader. Korie was a bag of leaves! The weather was perfect. There was a bonfire, lots of snacks, pumpkin carving and games. Then Kristin went to a party at Taylor's. It was a good evening for all.

Kristin and Eman's Sports Pictures

2007-10-26T00:40:00.001-04:00

Korie's last year of middle school

2007-09-07T09:00:00.000-04:00

Well, this is not only Kristin's last year of high school but Korie's last year of middle school. She started 8th grade this week. Today was picture day and we took one before she left the house, too! It was a rough week to start. Korie has an ear infection and Kristin had 3 games this week..and it was only a 4 day week! So we have been busy but good. We did manage to get Korie to bed by 9 each night so it wasn't TOO bad.

Her class is on the second floor this year. So she catches the elevator by herself when arriving and leaving school each day as well as when she goes to the nurses station twice daily. So she is really getting around. Everyone seems to know her well and she kinda "rules the school"...at least her part of it.

Thinking about next year is a little daunting....the high schools are so big and so much more.....I don't know...scary!? But we will get through it. I thought middle school would be hard but we loved it.

Other blessings this week:

An 11th grade boy at our church, Nick, went to Menchville HS. He asked me a month a go to pray that his parents would let him come to Denbigh..he really wanted to go to our school! Kris came home from youth group Wednesday night all excited because Nick said he was starting at our school the next day! So he is there now. I saw him last night at the game and he was so happy! That just made my whole week!

Bible study started up again...we are doing Beth Moore's study JESUS, THE ONE AND ONLY. It is going to be so good! It seems like forever since we last met in the spring together. I had a really good group. I think we will have around 15 ladies in the morning class and at least that many, if not more in the evening one.

Mom is coming next week. It will be good to have her around. She will see Kristin play, hear my group sing and go with me to Ladies Auxilary which starts back up next week after a summer hiatus.

So, everyone is now back to school and things are back to "normal". My normal will change next year. So I am going to enjoy it for now!

Senior Pictures

2007-08-11T17:17:00.000-04:00

Do you know what I did today? I took Kristin to get her senior pictures taken! I can't believe it....where did time go? We had quite a trek...all the way to Va. Beach. The photographers were young and fun and made the experience memorable. Kris saw Gary, from her class. Eman was coming at 1:00 but we got done early and didn't stay. We saw pictures on the wall of Becky Prillaman and Steven Legg with Nikki.

Anyhow, the MOMENT came when they took a picture of Kris lying on her stomach and resting her arms and head on a basketball in front of her. When they had me look at the picture aftewards...I almost lost it! There is a picture (I will post it) of Kris when she was a baby...lying on her stomach...with a basketball in front of her!! I had a flashback of that picture and it was almost too much!

The poses were GREAT! I will post them when we get them online in a few weeks. Afterwards, we went to FIVE GUYS on Independence Blvd to eat lunch. We drove thru Viginian Weslyan and looked around. The traffic on I 64 was terrible so we went the long way to I 664...but it was a fun time together. I was sorry Steve and Kris didn't get to come but we noticed Korie seemed to have UTI this morning so Steve took her to the doctor. (We were right).

So, the day has come...Kristin is a senior and I am going to have to find a way to deal with it. I am going to try to enjoy every little thing she does this year. So...senior year....here we come!!

Missing Friends

2007-08-06T11:15:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I attended a viewing. That was sad enough. But the people I went for --live out of town now. I was close to them when they lived here and I just don't see them often enough. It was hard to leave them because there is no plan on when I will see them next. There are a lot of people in my life like that!! It kind of stinks....not that they are in my life...but that they aren't in my life regularly! Lila, Dennis, Holly and Evan are the ones I was thinking of as I write this....I just miss being around them.

That lead me to think of others....the most recent who moved away and that I miss would be Lisa Fowler. When she was here, she lived in Williamsburg so I only saw her at church functions but I miss her a lot. Blair Livesay was another like that. I miss Mary Beth Norcross, too. We always got bagels on Tuesdays and talked about politics, current events..and how different we were from each other! She was so much fun.

I don't see my family much either but at least there is always a "next time". I think that is why heaven is going to be FOREVER and EVER....I have some silly thoughts on that...besides spending time with Jesus and and worshipping Him, which is the best thing we will do, we have so many people to spend time with...and we will have the time to spend QUALITY time with them....as long as we want. The other silly thought I had was about singing in heaven...I imagined that all the worship/song leaders will want to lead...at least one time...so by the time they all take a good long turn...a thousand years may have gone by...then maybe everyone will want to sing a solo to the Lord...although I perfer a good group blend! There will be so much to do...but I will get to spend time with the Chappells!! That day will come.

So, those are my random thoughts for today.....

Korie at Victory Junction

2007-07-08T00:05:00.000-04:00

Well, today we took Korie and left her at camp! It was thrilling because as soon as we got out of the van, I heard over and over again..."Hey Korie!!". She hit the ground and took off. As our names were called to go to the "hospital" to check in, she announced in front of all..."Let's get this party started!". She got lots of laughs. She was so excited. But it was hard because I left my daughter with Spina Bifida alone in NC with a broken leg and a sinus infection. I am glad that she is still able to do all the activities! They told us that tomorrow morning, their team is heading to the Zipline! That is what she has been looking forward to!

Her nurse was new, which is a little bothersome but her counselors seemed on the ball. One of them even remembered Danielle's name (her doll). There are only 4 girls in their big cabin....and 4 counselors...so I think they should have fun. It is NASCAR week so I am praying that a NASCAR driver stops by and a pit crew. She would love that. They gave us a voucher for the Pit Stop so we got her a red Victory Junction shirt. Steve got his black Victory Junction jacket and he was so happy about that.

So, I hugged and kissed her goodbye and somehow left her there. I know she will have so much fun and make lots of memories. Nothing on earth is more exciting to her. I just pray her sinus's don't bother her too much and her leg doesn't get worse...but most of all, I just hope she has the time of her life!

Independence Day 07

2007-07-07T23:53:00.000-04:00

July 4th, 2007

Tom and Sharron were here this year for the 4th. It made for a special day. We had a cookout at our house and then we headed to Victory Landing Park on the James River in downtown Newport News. The weather was warm but down near the water, there was a nice breeze. We walked around and checked out the water and navy ships. The kids threw around a volleyball and when it got dark, we got out our glow sticks.

The fireworks were very nice even though half way through, they stopped. Apparently, the barge broke loose from the winds and was headed toward the navy yard. In about 20 minutes, they started again and there was a GREAT finale! We got home late but had pie and ice cream for dessert.

I am thankful for the freedom that we have and for our way of life. We are very blessed. Happy 231st birthday America!!!

The Outer Banks

2007-06-26T20:47:00.000-04:00

I just spent a wonderful 2 days at the Outer Banks. I hadn't been feeling well and it was the perfect medicine for me!! Sharon shared her beach house with me and we just relaxed! We ate at my favorite beach restaurant....The Rundown Cafe. We went to the Sound and waited for the sun to set. It was so beautiful! The next morning, we spent some time on the ocean...the sound of the surf is soothing to my soul! Sharon and I were talking about one song that talks about the "who tells the ocean, you can only come this far......." and of course, it is God. As we watched it, it stopped in the exact right place and then back out it went! In perfect harmony of God's symphony! Nothing is more peaceful! I am thankful for the opportunity to live close to a place like that and to be able to visit it for a time.

This day in June

2007-06-24T17:38:00.000-04:00

I always say that if you blink in June, it will be over! This month always seems to just go by so quickly that I can hardly remember what happened in it. I know we went to Ohio...very quickly for a graduation and we went to Amish Country. That was such a great trip. Korie finished up school and Kristin has been going to the YMCA. Yesterday, she left with the mission team for Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, to work with our missionaries, the Jacobsen's, as they minister to Haitian people. Kristin is in charge of leading grades 8-12 during game time in VBS. She was a little worried about not getting much time to make one on one relationships with the kids but she is going to help Danielle and Brendan during teaching time so that will help.

It was kinda hard to say good bye to her as she got on the plane yesterday. It seems each good- bye is a little closer to THE good bye as her senior year begins. But, it was a good feeling to know she was going to have some great experiences serving people of another culture. And it was a great idea last week for the team to shadow us as we worked in OUR vbs. Now they have a little idea of what they are doing. Besides Kristin being close to my heart, I am also praying and thinking of the music team who worked all last week with Bebe and I..Alan Pitt, Sara Simmons, Bobby Newman and Nick Doyle. I know they will do a great job and I can't wait to see pictures of them on the blog as they serve. I wish I could be there to observe.

Well, I still feel weak, healthwise, today. I feel like my body just isn't catching up from being sick or something is still wrong with me. Even though that is going on, I am going to drive to Nags Head tomorrow for day or two with Sharon Warren. The beach and the waves and the atmosphere there is always so healing for me so I am hoping I am making a good decision about going.

So, I am trying to hang on, to pray for and wish growth for my oldest, whom I miss very much and I am glad that Korie has something new to do this week by going to her grandparents house while I am gone.

Wow! It has been awhile!

2007-06-21T15:37:00.000-04:00

Well, it has been a long time since I wrote in this blog! I have been kinda busy. A lot has actually happened since that ring banquet....my my...that was a year ago! Since then, Kristin got her drivers permit, finished her junior year, went on a missions trip to Honduras, played on four teams....I am way behind. Korie has reached her last year of middle school, had a surgery, gone to camp by herself...why didn't I wrote then!! She had a BLAST!

I am facing some health issues right now. I will probably have lots to write about that soon. I have learned some STUFF already! Pastor has been preaching about Faith for several months now as we study Genesis. As Abraham's faith was tested, I wondered a lot about that. My faith was tested when Korie was born in some ways I failed because it took me 2 years to forgive God and not blame him. Then all the stuff with my dad really challenged me. He had such an awful death and he was such a faithful man. I couldn't put the two together. I wanted answers and didn't accept it with out any. I knew God was close through those two trials but I was kinda mad at Him. I got over that and I regret those reactions. As I pondered Abraham's choices and as I am studying Job again for the 3rd time in the last 10 years, I have come to admire them.

I have been praying a lot these past few months to God and telling Him I really trust Him but I have begged Him not to test me in that through Korie, Kristin or Steve. It never ocurred to me to add myself. Now I am facing some things. And I have a feeling that Satan had a hand in what I was tested in, such as he did with Job, and God allowed it. My only thought about that maybe being true is that he picked the thing that scares me the most....anything with the word LIVER in it. So I feel I AM being tested and I am trying to totally trust God this time. I need prayer and I need God for this.

So that is where I am now. I want to be more faithful in my loggings....we will see.

TTFN, Donna

A Night to Remember

2006-05-16T09:01:00.000-04:00

Okay, I don't know if I am reliving my high school days or what but last Saturday night was a lot of fun. It was Kristin's ring banquet night. We went because Steve is the class sponsor. It was so fun seeing the kids all dressed up and excited. Emmanuel came to the house to pick up Kristin. He looked so nice and his parents were there along with an aunt and his sister. They were excited, too. They brought cameras and everyone started snapping pictures. Candice, Kristin's friend had gotten dressed at our house and her date, Grant, came as well along with his twin sister and their parents! Then Steve's mom came....a full house! The living room was crowded, flashes going off..it was fun.

Then off every one went to the Warwick River Yacht Club and more pictures! All the kids were coming in dressed up and laughing. They got to sit at tables and eat fancy food and get their class rings. It was fun to sit back and watch them. Afterwards, we took some of them to Taylor's house for a party. They stayed late and spent more time together. They acted as if they didn't want the evening to end.

It is hard to believe those days have begun but I guess instead of being sad about it, I will just enjoy each event. One more week of school and Kristin is a junior and the special times will continue. I hope they are as enjoyable as that night was. It was a night to tuck away in your memory.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

2006-05-12T13:14:00.000-04:00

I was suppose to write a blurb about Korie and our testimony that went along with the above theme....here it is:

When Steve and I found out we were going to have a second child, the doctors told us that we were going to have a "lemon". In fact, three doctors told us that we could throw that lemon away and start over. Without hesitation, we refused because we know that God creates no accidents.

However, at times, this has been very difficult to accept. It is hard to make "lemonade" out of something so sour. The sour times were giving up the dream of a healthy child, of not being a "normal" family. They were 14 times in a surgery waiting room, sometimes wondering if our time with her was up. I could go on.

But, if you add enough sugar or sprinkle enough spice, the bitter can be made sweet. God added the sugar to Korie's personality. "I love you, Mommy" is repeated over and over daily with lots of kisses and hugs. She thinks her mom is the best mom in the whole world and every day is a day to cherish.

God added the spice be giving her the spunk to be strong and to teach us that we have little to complain about and show us how wonderful life should be.

Yes, God gave us a "lemon"....to teach us how to make lemonade. We have tasted it and it is SWEET!!

Easter 2006

2006-04-17T15:24:00.000-04:00

Here are my beautiful girls on Easter Day. What an Easter day it was! Church was incredible...no words to explain...such a day of celebration of what Christ did for us. The songs and the message were so uplifting and honoring to our Lord. We couldn't have asked for a better day.

Hello Dad

2006-02-11T23:48:00.000-05:00

Well dad,

It is time to catch you up on things. I can't believe it has been nine years since you have left. Things are so different now. First I want you to know that I am very different. I have really found my place in the presence of God. I am getting to know Him better and better...maybe not as good as you....hahaha....but I am on my way. I am really learning prayer. I believe that is the key to everything. I am learning to pray and to believe God more. So I am doing okay.

Steve is doing the same thing believe it or not...I guess you can add AAU basketball coaching in there. He wasn't doing that nine years ago. I think you would really enjoy that level of play. I think about you most when I watch Kristin play. She is doing so well this year. You wouldn't believe....I can't begin to tell you all the records she is breaking and the points she is scoring....we didn't expect the scoring. She has become a real leader. And she is really growing up. She has a boyfriend now. Wow! Didn't see that one coming either and it has been a challenge in more ways than one. The other day we drove by Deep Creek and they tore down the 7-11. Kristin was very upset when she saw that. She had really good memories of walking there with you to get a paper and gum. It really effected her. By the way, she wears your number in basketball. So does Judson.

Korie is doing well in school and she is as happy as ever. I know the two of you would be good friends. She is happy to sit and talk and spend time with people. She is patient and kind and loving. She would really have enjoyed being with you.

You used to like something about DBC and it was the fact that we really loved each other. I would just have you know that we still do and it is really wonderful. I love my new pastor. We all look out for each other and I have some really wonderful friends there that mean the world to me. I don't know what I would do without them.

Mom had surgery on her knee...yeah, the same one that she limped around on nine years ago! Can you believe it? She is a little stubborn. I am not sure how it is going...I get conflicting reports. She misses you but she is doing okay. She has a cat that looks just like Baby. It is just WEIRD...it is like GHOST CAT or something only THIS one likes me and not TOM so it must really be a different cat or came from a reverse universe or something.

Grandma is weak...you should be seeing her soon. She gets things mixed up. She sent Kristin a birthday card but in it, wrote that she hoped she was enjoying college...so I think she got her mixed up with Lacey....she does things like that a lot now.

Aunt Carol spends Februarys in Florida now! Isn't that weird? She is the same. She is a sweet person. She is going to Bible Baptist and from what I hear she is more involved and goes to church hour there, too. I still don't get why she likes it there. Doesn't seem like a fit to me. They got a new pastor, too. I don't know his name but I am glad. I guess things are better there now. You don't even want me to get into all that. I don't know half of it and what I do know isn't good. I have no idea what you would have said to all that mess....I know what I would have said and I guess that is why it is good that I live in Virigina.

Steve had FIVE girls...yes, five. One in college and one in first grade. He lives in a nice home in the middle of nowhere but they love it. You would like it, too. And Tom is doing really well in business and with his family. You would just be really proud of all your grandkids and hopefully your kids. We all have times when we need you and would like to talk to you. I still don't understand why God took you from us when we still needed you. But I guess God has a time appointed for everyone and nothing we can do can change it. We just have to trust and accept.

You don't know how many times I have wondered if you can ever see us and know what is going on here. It just wouldn't seem right if you didn't but we have such a limited view on life and what is really important. I just wish I knew.

I haven't visited your grave site the past few times I have been in Ohio. We always seem to have such limited time and mostly mom isn't interested so that makes it hard. I like to go there...it makes me feel closer to you. You wouldn't believe what happened last time I was there!!! It is too funny to believe. Your sister was going to meet us there with Kristin and when we got there, they were both on their hands in knees...OVER YOUR GRAVE SITE....looking for Aunt Carol's bridge that had come out. It was so funny I could hardly keep from laughing as we all got down on our hands and knees to look. Aunt Carol was praying TO YOU to help her find it. She is so funny. I prayed to God instead, and believe it or not....we found it. I just laugh thinking about that day and what we were doing there. But we found her two teeth! HAHAHA

Anyhow, not much else to say...just that Ohio State Football was good this year and the basketball team is decent..for them and they are suppose to be better next year (although that is what they always say). The Steelers won the Super Bowl. The Olympics are on and both the girls are loving it. Kristin has two more regular games and then the tournament and she is a shoo in for the METRO all-star team. I know you would be here.

I just know you would want to know what is going on here in 2006. I know I rambled but there was so much to say. Next year it will be ten years....hard to believe. It is strange to think of you, the same as you were here, but in another place and what you must be seeing and experiencing. I know you still love us but I wonder if it seems you just saw us or if you can tell nine years has passed by? Do you see how the kids have grown? Do you know we live in a different house? It can drive me crazy thinking about it too much. People write books about it and I have read them but all they are really doing is guessing. So that is what I do sometimes, just guess. I will talk to you again next year....unless I see you face to face first. Then we will have lots of time to catch up.
Boy, I am having a hard time saying good bye......I help lead the worship service on Sunday mornings and I need to get some sleep...by the way, I LOVE that, too. That is new. I know God gave it to me as one of the desires of my heart. I love it.

Okay, this is really good bye.....I miss you.

Donna

End of the Spear

2006-02-05T21:53:00.000-05:00

I just saw the movie End of the Spear. I can't stop thinking about it. I came away with several things from the movie...one was knowledge. I had some inkling of what the movie would be about from Elisabeth Elliott's point of view. I have heard her talk in person although I don't ever remember reading Through the Gates of Splendor which is Elisabeth's account of it.

This movie was from Steve Saints point of view. Steve was 5 when he told his father goodbye. His father, and 4 other missionary men where going to make contact with the Waodani. The Waodani were very violent, so much so that they were killing each other off. This was why Nate Saint felt such an urgent need to meet them and tell them of God. All seemed to be going well when a miscommunication caused the tribe members to come back and spear the men and all were killed.

What amazes me is that at least two of the women stayed...maybe more, but two were in the story. I would have taken my children and gone home. Elisabeth Elliott goes with her daughter and Rachel Saint, Steve Saint's sister and LIVES WITH the men who killed their family. Then the Saint family comes and stays awhile. There were times when their lives were in danger but they stayed. I can hardly think of it.

The tribe eventually accepts Christ and Rachel continues to live with them until her death in 1994. Steve Saint returns to bury his aunt with the Waodani people and they ask HIM to stay with them. Also, Mincaye, the very one who killed Nate Saint, takes Steve to the very place where the murders occur and Mincaye, now a Christian, gives Steve the chance to take revenge for his father's death, for Mincaye cannot live with the guilt. Steve and Mincaye both end up crying on the ground for the pain in their hearts. Mincaye tells Steve that his father, Nate, was a special man. He says he saw the moment Nate.."jumped the Great Boa" or went to heaven. He tells of how he saw the angels come for the men.

Mincaye and Steve end up being friends and actually travel together and tell how the Lord worked in both their lives to bring them to this place. The part of the movie that touched me the most was when Steve Saint said this:

"No, my father did not live to see his children or his grand children grow up. But Mincaye was the first of the Waodani to live long enough to see his grandchildren....." That statement really took root in my heart because we each see things from our own point of view....why did THIS happen to me or why did God allow THAT in my life. We...and I will personalize it....I often don't take into account that God is at work everywhere and His picture of things entails more of what I am going through. His plan is greater, wider, and has more impact on the world than my own little part of the world.

Nate Saint, Jim Elliott, Roger Youderian, Pete Fleming, and Ed McCully had no idea that their deaths would play into a whole tribe coming to know Christ, of strength given to the women they left behind, of Life Magazine bringing their story to the world and then, a movie being made of their lives that would touch thousands, maybe millions of life. We just don't think that big...we have no concept of what God has in mind for our lives.

But we know that those angels took those men to God and God allowed the story of EXACTLY what happened that day to be preserved to show us what He did for them and what He continues to do with their story.

What a movie! What a story! What a God!

January 22

2006-01-20T23:09:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, Kristin will be 16. That is so hard to believe....here are my memories of Kristin so far:

Car crash, lots of visitors in the hospital, knowing she would be okay, yelling at bathtimes but quiet and still afterwards, spitting up...A LOT...never going to sleep, fastest crawler ever, sock in the mouth as she crawls, having 2 pacifiers, one to suck on and one to hold, jogging in place on the couch pillows, she and Steve fighting with empty 2-liters as their swords, calling Steve "Daddin", being scared of dogs, having lots of boyfriends (when she was LITTLE)....she would say...Evan, Derek and Joshua and sometime Big Judson were her boyfriends, watching Michael on Barney, pitching and spiking with her balls or balloons in the living room, always having a tissue in her hand, talking to Grandma and Papa on the video camera, saying, "Grub, Grub" instead of "Scrub Scrub" when visiting her sister in the hospital, hugs after naps...I took advantage of them since they were few and far between, crying...loudly at swim lessons, talking constantly, knowing the words to the story and saying them with me, wanting to be a "shooting star" from the get-go, being able to make Korie laugh when physical therapy days were hard, the first day of Kindergarten, Brian Mouring asking her to marry him, never going right to sleep, crying the first time she got a B, being the tallest in Upward basketball and being very good for her age, getting her hair done for Stefanie's wedding and looking so gorgous and then sitting up at the big table drinking sparkling water, getting saved and then baptised, 5th grade graduation, having dad for her bible teacher for 3 years, making the MS basketball team and winning the title, sleepovers with Regan, Hope and Roni, birthday parties, wearing braces for 5 years and all the visits to the Orthodontist, making JV team, being on the Black Widows and going to Nationals in Tennessee, being afraid of roller coasters, babysitting for Faith and Alan at Camp Open Arms, going to high school, making varsity in basketball and volleyball, going to Washington DC...just her and I, the first time she got a varsity award in a tournament, letting her go to camp for the first time, all the Presidential fitness awards she received, the first time a boy showed interest in her, being a leader in her class and teams, talking in her room about her day, letting her go to Mexico on a mission trip, how special her youth group became, boys in the picture now, making Homecoming court and now about to get her class ring and license...how did all that and more happen in this short amount of time...my goodness...her time here is almost over.

God, help her to love you more and more as the years go by, help her to stay close to family, to never forget what she has been taught through the years, to always seek Your will and to finish school ready to face the world with the person that YOU have chosen for her....and someday her daughter will turn 16 and she will know the love that a parent has for a child and how their heart can hurt but be proud at the same time. Keep her close, may she always feel Your love and know that YOU are everything she needs for life. Amen

January 19

2006-01-19T22:56:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Bobo! May you rest in peace. I loved you! You were my childhood....and you are both missed....:)

LOSS

2006-01-18T23:47:00.000-05:00

I wrote this in October but lost it when I couldn't remember my blog username!! Anyhow, I have it all figured out now and thought I would post this one again.

Today I was reading about Loss. Like most people, I have a few losses. One is the dream of a healthy child and one is my dad's death. Both of them threw me for a loop and took a while to get over. But anytime we are challenged over a death of some kind, we are challenged to allow the loss to bring gain for Christ. While reading about this in my Beth Moore study, the story of the death of Lazarus was brought into focus. Jesus loved this family and was very moved and heart broken over Lazarus's death....(this account says Jesus wept over the death of His friend)...but there are reasons listed in the account in the book of John for Lazarus's death. Verse 4 and 40 say it was for God's glory and for Christ's glory, vs 11 says Lazarus died so He (Jesus) could "wake him up", vs 15 said it was so the disciples would believe. So God had reasons behind this as He does for us. I think one of the things that was hardest for me, was not only the loss, but my loss of faith. It took awhile for me to recover it. Satan had turned my losses into bondage.Also, Beth suggests that God never allows any illness to end in death for a Christian. Death is never the end of anyone's life in Christ. Dad is still living...just in a different space and time. He will live for eternity because he accepted Christ as the way to heaven. And Korie's problem is temporary. For all eternity she will have a perfect body.And life is always about change. I hate change. I detest it. I don't even like it a little bit. And yet over the last few years, God has really changed me and I believe it for the better. I have a long way to go but yet I am learning to let God be God. He has become the only explanation for my emotional survival. What else do I need in life? I have it all. I have a wonderful family, the best church in the world and the best friends. And I have God who has given me all these things because every gift I have comes from Him.

New Year's Quotes and Sayings

2006-01-02T12:07:00.000-05:00

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

New Year's Day is every man's birthday. ~Charles Lamb

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland

New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights. ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months! ~Edward Payson Powell

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past. ~Henry Ward Beecher

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Glory to God in highest heaven,
Who unto man His Son hath given;
While angels sing with tender mirth,
A glad new year to all the earth.
~Martin Luther

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~John Burroughs

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. ~Charles Lamb

A happy New Year!
Grant that I May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.
~Edgar Guest

A New Year

2006-01-02T11:44:00.000-05:00

Wow, a new year. It is like a fresh sheet of paper or a clean chalkboard....all new and open with lots of potential.

But if I was honest, I usually dwell on Dec. 31 instead of Jan. 1. I have never liked new years. I guess that means I don't like change or moving on. To me it is another day closer to getting older, to the day that Kristin leaves home, to the day there is another big change in my life.

Lately, I have looked at it a little differently. It reminds me of how grateful I need to be that God lets us "start over" when we mess up. He always gives us another chance....gives us a "clean slate." So like the year ahead, 2006, we can have a new "sheet of paper" to write on. And we can make better decisions, good choices. I am very grateful for that.

So, I will look forward to 2006 instead of missing 2005. I will trust God for the changes ahead and know that He will be with me as I go through them. I will know that His plans are perfect and I can rest in Him. So, in a big leap of faith, I embrace 2006 with all its challenges and all it's joys and remember that on Dec. 31, 2006, I will be wishing it could stay. So I will enjoy the year as it comes and live each day to its fullest.

Hello 2006!! Welcome!

Thank You God

2005-12-20T11:28:00.000-05:00

My Father,

This Christmas I GET IT!! I get Christmas. Oh, I've known since a child what Christmas was but in reality.... it was presents, family, traditions..etc. I gave You time here and there..I thought about You now and then. But do You know what happens as you mature and grow closer to You? Of course, You do....You see, Lord, I have started something different this year...I am trying, yearning, praying...to know You more. Because of that, I think of You more...I spend more time with You....so as Christmas comes, I GET it.

Pastor Wilson said Christmas was about salvation...that is exactly it. I don't even need gifts to remind myself of the gift You gave us. I don't need a tree to remind me of the life You gave in Your Son. I don't need Christmas carols playing to remind me of Your story. I don't need bells to ring it, angels to herald it, manager scenes to tell me the story. I just need You. Because of Jesus, salvation became available to me. It was Your perfect plan to bring me to You.

I don't even know why you would WANT me. I can't sing well enough, praise loud enough, thank you properly enough, be worthy of, give enough money to replace what You did for me. I don't love You like You love me, I am not faithful like You are, not attentive like You, not sinless like You. But You love me SO much, that you don't give up on me. You accept the thanks that I can give, the time that I can spare, the voice that I can sing, the attempts to give back that fall so short....and you enjoy them as I give them to You. You look forward to what I have to offer...even though it is not enough. Even after thousands of years of worship, it still won't be enough.

I don't understand it but I am thankful for it beyond words....it brings emotions I can't express. So, I GET it more this year than I ever have before and I hope I will get it even MORE next year.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You are marvelous, glorious and wonderful. Thank you for CHRISTMAS!

One Week Until Christmas

2005-12-17T23:21:00.000-05:00

Today was just a really good day. The packages are wrapped and under the tree and the house was straightened up. Christmas music played on the radio. The tree is lit up and lights are all around the living room. Today, everyone was home, just trying to keep the last secret, wrap the last package, making sure the special foods are in the house for baking, and calling family to make sure they are ready to come for the holidays. Tonight, we went out and saw Christmas lights in Hampton and stopped at Krispy Kreme for donuts. We talked to Sindi about gifts and Tom about leaving tomorrow to come visit us. There is an excitement in the air as Christmas approaches.

Saying all that, I am just as excited to go to church tomorrow and be with friends that I love. We will sing Christmas carols and parts of the Christmas cantata. We will talk of wise men who traveled and shepherds who heard the news before anyone, of a young couple traveling and trusting. Then church family will be giving out gifts and smiles. We will love each other even more as we are reminded of HIS love. We will be reminded of the greatest gift of all, the gift of Jesus.

IT IS CHRISTMAS!!

Things That Remain by Beth Moore

2005-12-09T13:02:00.000-05:00

Things That Remain

Faith Knowing He CAN whether or not He DOES.

Hope Knowing He WILL whether or not He HAS.

Love Knowing He DIED whether or not we LIVE.

Friends

2005-12-09T10:44:00.000-05:00

I have always had good friends in my life. Here they are...sort of in order that they were/are in my life:

Sheri-my next door neighbor...we did everything together...we played almost every day..barbies, paper dolls...we had a serial going on...we would play and pick up where we left off the next day. When I started at Maranatha for school, we didn't get to spend as much time together, but I always have loved her. She was there when I was upset and when I was happy. We were both in each other's weddings. We don't really get to see each other anymore and rarely write but she still holds a special place in my heart and when we do talk, I feel at home. I miss her and will always love her.

Pam-she was also one of my best friends. We went to the same church and we spent a lot of nights together. We were the same age and in the same sunday school class, the same youth group and did a lot of special things together. When her family left our church, we didn't see each other much any more. She did ask me to be in her wedding and I still remember everything about it. She played the organ in mine. We always make contact at Christmas and she came to my house in Virginia one year on the way to the Outer Banks. I will always have special memories of her.

Vickie- Vickie became my friend as soon as I went to Maranatha in seventh grade. We spent many years being very good friends...and lots of hours at each other's homes. We had most classes together and we were "attached at the hips" for most of the years at MCHS. During our senior year, we went down different paths and didn't spend as much time together but when I think of high school...she comes to mind right away and I love her very much.

Dianne-Dianne and I always liked each other and I think the Lord was the center of our relationship. We grew a lot closer our senior year and found we had a lot in common. I enjoyed spending time with her and her life was always a good example to me. We still email and I feel really comfortable with her and she always gives such good advice. She is a lot of fun and I am thankful God put her in my life. I look forward to only growing closer to her through the years and would LOVE to get together with her sometime again. The miles keep us apart but email is wonderful and allows us to keep in touch. I love Dianne!!

Kathi-She was in my dorm in college...we spent a lot of time together. We were queens of the game room...she dominated foosball and I dominated ping pong. Yes, we probably should have spent more time studying...but it was SO fun. We went through a lot of college drama together but I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else!! We still keep up with each other through phone calls here and there and Christmas updates. She is so much fun and I love talking to her. I have two great memories of her...going to her grandmother's for Thanksgiving and when she came to my house and we had "Christmas" in the summer! My family loved her just as much as I did. I hope I never lose contact with Kathi. We don't talk much but I love the times that we do.

Teresa-I knew Teresa for a few years before we became close. When Korie was born, Teresa jumped in my life with both feet and became such a blessing to me. She volunteered to do things to help with Korie that is unbelieveable and became almost like Korie's second mom. I will NEVER forget what she did for me. She was God's gift to me. It has been hard since she left our church...we are so busy with our kids and our lives, that we haven't kept in touch like I would like to. I hope that changes. She is so special to me.

Lila-We started working together in K5. We spent a lot of time together in the classroom and grew to admire one another. When we stopped working together, we kept close by talking on the phone and going out to eat ocassionally. One of the things I appreciate about Lila, is her view on life. She has taught me a lot about raising kids and a lot of the things I do with my kids are things I learned from her. She is always there for me. I miss her so much since she moved away. But again, I am thankful for email...we write regularly and I hope to always have her in my life.

Mary Beth-now Mary Beth is my most interesting friend...she and I are SO different and have such different back grounds but we had God in common...and music, politics, young people, etc. We would meet most Tuesdays at a Bagel place and have breakfast and discuss the most interesting things. She is very talented...she can sew, sew, sew...some day you will buy clothing that says NORCROSS on it...I just know it! When her husband got orders to go to Arkansas, it was very hard because I knew she wouldn't be back and I miss her!! I miss her a lot. We still keep in touch by email here and there but it isn't the same! She is the greatest!

Bebe-I knew Bebe's kids before I knew her well. I really didn't get to know her at all until we began singing together. Then she approached me about starting a music ministry together and we have spent many hours together since then. She has become so important in my life. She has taught me a lot about God and His acceptance of us and about worship and prayer. She will never know the influence she has had in my life and how much she means to me. I don't know what I would do without her. She is one of the more special people in my life.

Debbie-Debbie and I have grown close over the last few years. I feel very comfortable with her and feel I can tell her anything. She is a good listener and she is always on my side!! The thing I admire about her is how she has grown in the Lord this past year. She has gone through some hard times and yet she just keeps going and trusting God. She is so thoughtful and sweet to me. I love her!! I know Debbie and I will always be friends.

December 1 brings memories

2005-12-01T19:52:00.000-05:00

Well, December is here....I guess I am in a pensive mood lately because I have been remembering Christmas's past. I believed in Santa Claus and it didn't hurt me a bit....I loved believing in Santa. I would look for him in the night sky on Christmas Eve and we would turn on the radio which would give "Santa" reports. We always went to bed early but it was SO hard to sleep. Before going to bed, we got to open one present, usually pajamas and dad would read the Christmas story. We would leave the cookies and milk out and head upstairs.

I was usually sleeping in my brother's room because Ohio winters are cold and we were trying to save money. Sometimes, the three of us would be up in their room...it was bigger or we would all three sleep downstairs in the family room and shut off the upstairs. But the three of us would be in the same room.

I always heard rustling...which, of course, was mom and dad wrapping presents. So dad would check on us and I would ask what the noise was and he would say he heard noises on the roof. I should be quiet and try to sleep and maybe I would hear it, too. So I would lay quietly and I DID hear something...every time!! I found out later that one year, dad threw pebbles on the roof so we would think we heard the reindeer.

Steve, Tom and I would wake up early and go downstairs and ask if we could get up. Some years, they told us to go back to sleep...I am sure those were the 3 am or 4 am years but sometimes we would all get up. We would open the gifts though it was still dark outside..and we had so much fun. Every year, just as we were finished opening gifts...sometimes BEFORE we were done, mammal would call and ask if we were finished so she could come over. Then, it would sorta irk me but now, I know she was lonely and just wanted to join family as soon as possible.

Then she would come over and she and mom would start cooking. While they did this, I always called my next door neighbor and best friend, Sheri, and we would tell what each other got for Christmas....we did this for YEARS and a few years ago, I called from Virginia, got her on the phone and said, "What you get?" That afternoon, my aunt and uncle and cousins would come over....we would eat the usual Christmas dinner and then gather in the living room near the fire. We had all exchanged names and the tradition is...starting from youngest to oldest, you would guess who had your name. You couldn't open your gift unless you guessed who had you. Sometimes this would take awhile but it was a lot of fun. The kids would play in the basement (now MY kids do the same) and the adults would talk. When evening came, we headed over to Aunt Carol's house. Grandma would be there and cousins. We would tell everything we got and then we would eat again...although we were still full...aunt Carol always insisted. We would play with the cousins and then go home.

GREAT MEMORIES....here is a song that our choir sang in high school that I sing to myself every year and I love it....it reminds me of the days I just wrote about.

Simple holidays joys...boys and girls, smiling faces.
Toys beneath the Christmas tree and a wreath on the door
Star of gold, ribbons blue and a few fond embraces
How I miss those simple holiday joys I once knew.

To be young...to believe, to wake up on Christmas eve
Through the night, with delight, oh the spell it could weave

To be young with surprise, to be not quite so wise
Watching snow, never knowing how quickly time flies
Did the years pass me by? Where the sky full of reindeer? Where are they?
In my mind, the joys grow dim, how unkind that they do...
Though they shine like a gem, only memories remain...dear.
But I find those simple holiday joys in YOU!!

Thanksgiving

2005-11-28T03:03:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving...I did. Here is what I am thankful for.....Steve, Kristin, Korie, Mom, Steve and Tom, my church, Bebe and Jim, Debbie V., Gene, Don, singing, the Glad Tidings Circle, PRM, Pat N., the Grand Illumination in Williamsburg, my dishwasher, Beth Moore, The Gaither Vocal Band music, my home, Christmas, evenings with candles and family times, the Outer Banks, watching Kris play ball, Korie's hugs, memories of dad, prayer, my nephews and nieces, christmas lights, choir practice, a good book, Ladies Auxilary meetings, a starry sky, the ocean, sunsets, lighthouses, email, July 4th fireworks, night's I don't have to cook, the military, George W. Bush, New York City, Washington DC, Amtrak Train rides, time alone with my kids, nights at home, cookouts, going out to eat, getting mail, a good night's sleep, the Warwick River, birthdays, when the leaves start growing in the spring, a full moon, Pastor Wilson's sermons, cell phones, caller id, journals, photographs, picture albums, the newspaper, the Ohio State Buckeyes, vacations, sunny days, Virginia, Ohio, the lift in our van and in the house, answers to prayers, and studying the Bible because in it I find everything I need for life.